Freedom from Holidays Calendar

2009-07-02 – 13:38

Here’s to long weekend containing another BS holiday. Because Ned and I are not religious or statist we don’t feel comfortable celebrating  a lot of the holidays. But we are firm believers in being celebratory! I also think impromptu life celebrations are fantastic, whether it’s celebrating quitting your job or toasting champagne to a new discovery about yourself.

Life is not forever and in general I don’t think we celebrate as much as we should. Holidays can bring (or force) a little bit of fun and glitter. So I’d like to share mine and Ned’s own personal alternative holiday calender: holidays for atheists, anarchists or people who just don’t feel comfortable with the violent roots or non-voluntary traditions of so many holidays.

Calendar Images from Meomi

January

January 1,  New Years Day:  The beginning of a new year is a great celebration of life. Buy a new journal and make a fresh entry. Make goals, not resolutions. Order out dim-sum for dinner because it is tradition and possibly because you are hung-over.

January 26, Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day: Pop.

January 22, Scientist’s Day (Francis Bacon’s Birthday): Like presidents day, but with less assholes.

February

February 2,  Philosopher’s Day (Ayn Rand’s Birthday): Celebrate philosophy and/or the birthday or Ayn Rand,  a great mind and a big influence on human freedom.

February 14, Valentine’s Day/Love Day: Celebrate love on this day. Eat rich foods, chocolates and get comfy with someone on the couch.

February 28,  Wedding Anniversary: Always celebrate anniversaries. Relationships are hard work and should be celebrated!

March

March 1, Beer Day: A good alternative to celebrating a murderous Christian Saint on the 17th.

March 9, Barbie’s Birthday/Toy day: You don’t have to celebrate Barbie but why not reminisce about your favorite toys from childhood? This is a great day to go out and buy your inner child the toy you always wanted.

March 20, First Day of Spring/Spring Equinox: This holiday is about renewal, the re-birth after winter. Start new projects and acknowledge self growth. Think about how much you have grown and also make goals for where you’d like to be in the future. Do something earthy or outdoorsy. Eat a picnic of  stuffed deviled eggs, mint chicken salad and chocolate crepes, washed down with sparkling lemonade.

March 22, Inner Child’s Day aka As young as you feel day, International Goof-off day or Spring Fairy Day: An entire day devoted to your inner child. Do whatever the kid inside of you feels like. Ideas: Have a dress up garden tea party, swing on a swing-set, build forts, have a water gun or water balloon fight, decorate your room with glow in the dark stars, wear mouse ears or a cape.

April

April 1, April Fools Day, also Creative Writing and Poetry Day: A day to play jokes/Became annoying online/Count me out of it. Two birds with one stone, a haiku about April Fool’s.

April 12, Licorice Day: Drink Sambuca and Champagne cocktails, Make a beet and fennel salad. Drink absinthe and smoke anise and rose flavored hookah. I could go on forever.

May

May 3, Sears Tower birthday or Architecture day: Admire the phenomenal landscapes created by fellow humans. If you are in Chicago tour the Sears Tower or get dressed up and have a $12 martini on top of the John Hancock.

May 9, Peter Pan Day also  Stay up all Night day: A day to celebrate with your inner child. Build a fort, watch or read Peter Pan and eat nutella banana pancakes for dinner. This could easily turn into celebrating Stay up all Night day. For which I suggest watching movies, painting or making collages,  listening to old records and cooking breakfast at sunrise while listening to Beethoven on full blast.

May 25, Memorial Day  becomes Empathy and Justice Day: This is often a day off from work and a fantastic long weekend. Do something anti-gov during this weekend, remember the democides

May 28, Ned’s Birthday: Always celebrate your life on your birthday! I’m a believer in gift-giving on birthdays no matter how small the gift. Martinis and raspberry angel-food cake are always good too.

May 29, Pink Flamingo Day: I’m taking this as John Waters day. Listen to old soul music, dress up as retro trailer trash or in rockabilly styles and go out to a greasy spoon diner or a soda fountain, remember to act vulgar. Then watch as many of John’s films as you can stomach.

June

June 21,  Summer Solstice: Summer party! Celebrate with bonfires,  s’more making (over the stove if you’re a city dweller) and all night dance partying. If there was ever an event to bring a vodka infused watermelon to, this is it.

June 24, Celebration of the Senses: Omg the possibilities: Perfume shopping for a new signature scent, fresh flowers, cooking aromatic curries or soups. Actually, this reminds me of a game my college roommate and I would play when we were high. One would blindfold the other and then find items around the room to make the blind folded one sniff and guess the smell. Laundry softener, peanut butter, Skol vodka. So you could always do that…or not.

June 28, Gay Pride Day: Celebrate sexuality! If you can’t go to the parade, wear a ridiculous outfit that makes you feel sexy but kinda silly. Have friends over for sangria, play Spin the Bottle and watch Priscilla.

July

July 4, Independence Day/ Freedom Day: Often a day off from work and a hot long weekend. Celebrate your own personal freedom and independence. Contemplate what your freedom means to you. Traditions like watching fireworks and eating barbecue and ice cream are all dandy in my book.

July 13, Geek day: Embrace your inner nerd. Set up a nerd day with a few friends, get together with laptops or whatever you need and do your dorky thing together. For this  I would serve tang and popcorn balls.

July 18, National Hot Dog Day: Whether it’s veggie or foie gras, I take them Chicago style, mustard no ketchup!

August

August 8, National Garage Sale Day: Wake up at the crack of dawn with the little old ladies and hit up the yard sales. Haggle.

August 10, S’mores day/ Slumber Party Day: When I was six years old s’mores were my favorite food. I could devour five in one setting. They were also a common slumber party food, so I say also make this a slumberparty day. Invite friends over, watch movies that remind you of childhood, eat s’mores and play truth or dare. Bonus points for prank calling.

Auust 18, Bad Poetry Day: Read your old notebooks…aloud…with a friend. I think a bottle of wine is also in order.

September

September 7, Labor Day becomes  Courage and Integrity Day: Often a day off from work and a great long weekend. Use it to celebrate your own courage and integrity. Try meditating or taking a relaxing walk in the woods. Take some alone time to connect to the strong center inside of you.

September 22,  Autumn Equinox: Celebrate my favorite season by long walks, enjoying the weather, self reflection and maybe peanut butter cookies.

September 27, Psychologist’s Day (Albert Ellis’ Birthday): The founder of CBT is OKAY with ME. Hat’s off to psychologists! Go to the library and get a book on psychology, look into new therapeutic practices or types of therapy that might help you in your journey towards become the best you that you can be.

October

October 1, World Vegetarian Day: Create a vegetarian feast. Baba ghanoush, rice and lentils, potato stuffed flatbread, sauteed eggplant, crisp cooked asparagus and custard for dessert. Yum.

October 6, Mad Hatter Day: According to this website this day is about”The nonsense we usually have to pretend is sane can be called madness for one day in the year; the superficially crazy things that really make sense can be called sane on MadHatterDay.” I’m not sure what all that means but I think this is a day to celebrate the nonsensical, so that’s okay.

October 31, Halloween: Perhaps the most important holiday of the year :-) Celebrate death and enjoy life with mischief and debauchery.

November

November 4, is apparently National Chicken Lady Day. As this skit terrifies Ned I imagine he would celebrate this day by hiding under the covers and hoping feathered women don’t spontaneously burst into orgasm.  Personally I’d prefer a national Buddy Cole day.

November 26, Thanksgiving: Have a feast and give thanks for relationships and bounty of the year. Hold a potluck Thanksgiving with friends and bring the turkey. Plan enough for two days of giving thanks!

December

December 5, Bathtub Party Day: The bathtub is my sanctuary, I don’t need to be told twice to celebrate baths! Take this day to enjoy a nice long bath with candles, music, a book and some tea or wine. Buy yourself a new bath product.

December 11, Rabbit’s Birthday:  Always celebrate your life on your birthday! I like to take the day to reflect on the year, read old journal entries and take extra care of myself.

December 21, Winter Solstice: Because of work schedules this is often celebrated on the 25th.

December 24, Eve of Winter Solstice Celebration: A pre-party!

December 25, Celebrate Winter Solstice: BIG party! Celebrate peace and the future. Traditionally this is a light festival, so celebrate “light” as a metaphor, whatever it means to you.

December 31, New Year’s Eve: Out with the old and in with the new. Reflect on the past year, what has changed? How have you changed? Write a final journal entry for this year. Then put together a glammy outfit, listening to all the songs you loved this year and pop champagne.

Mailing List!

If you liked this holiday calendar and the ideas, then I am very excited to let you know about the Rabbit Write Holiday Calendar email list. All you need to do is fill out the form below and I’ll send you a reminder before each holiday with ideas, links, stories and maybe recipes that you can enjoy. I promise it will be fun and cute:

Name:

E-mail:

Please send me your questions and ideas or use the comments below.

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By Rabbit White | Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Comments (5)

RabbLinks

2009-06-29 – 12:44

Follow my blog with bloglovin´Follow my blog with bloglovin´Follow my blog with bloglovin´rabbitlinksrabblinks-total111Artists: on left: Kelly Thompson, top right: Pierre Dal Corso and bottom right Kill Pixie

http://www.vimeo.com/5215214

New haunting video from Fever Ray aka Karin Dreijer Andersson of heartwrenching electronic duo The Knife.

http://www.vimeo.com/4103632

With this video, my crush on Sebastian is full blown and official. Le sigh.

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By Rabbit White | Posted in Rabbit Links | Comments (1)

Dates to the theater call for the dramatic

2009-06-27 – 14:18

wiw_1cinema1Sometimes I get overly dressed up for things, this is something I have done my entire life. I could say I’m just adhering to the “better to be overdressed than under-dressed” rule of thumb, yet I sometimes get dolled up when going to places where I know the majority will be donning jeans and “designer” embroidered sweatshirts. While this outfit would be reasonable (or maybe just pretentious) to wear to a downtown chi-chi theater this was worn to see the new Terminator flick at a big box cinema. But don’t get me wrong, it was a fun date: buncha-crunch, a huge diet pepsi and action stripped down the bare bones: no acting or script, lots of adrenaline. But this is about what I wore, so…digression. With the tilted hat and scarf worn like a cape this outfit was certainly dramatic. I was not exactly having the easiest day emotionally, the highs and lows felt chaotic. I’m not entirely sure what compels me to go for a dramatic outfit in somewhat improper situations but I imagine it has got to be some of the “notice me, but stay away” dynamic that I think goes on in any overly dramatic or extreme fashion.  In a movie theater closer to the burbs than the city I didn’t exactly blend into the wallpaper. But this outfit also allowed me to feel safe while my emotions ebbed, those same dramatic aspects of the cloak and hat also created a sense of being hidden, enigmatic. Very cinematic.

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By Rabbit White | Posted in What I Wore | Comments (3)

Anorexic Rage

2009-06-26 – 12:45

ana3Glans Galore: photo source

If you met me a few years ago and were somehow able to magically read my thoughts you would have heard “don’t eat…don’t eat….don’t eat” over and over like a blinking LED sign. During this time I was working retail. One day as I patrolled the floor of the women’s clothing store, privately broadcasting  my message, I realized I had really been listening. I hadn’t eaten all week! Or…the week before that… or even the week before that.

The closest I ever got to being able to describe how anorexia felt was while I was in the thick of it. I was hanging out with a group of acquaintances, spread out on pillows on the floor with a tall green glass bong in rotation. As I took a hit, I asked a girl in the group about her about being vegetarian. “I used to have dreams that cows were eating me” she said. “I took this as a sign that maybe I should become a vegetarian…but I liked the cows eating me, I thought it was fun” she laughed.  I imagined it almost as a video game, a background of blue sky with a white picket fence and friendly cows eating at bits of flesh on her arms and thighs. This clicked with me and the grin on my face turned into laughter that had me nearly peeing myself. It was a perfect image for how it felt, my not eating, my body starving and eating itself.  Imagining the cartoon cows eating me was just too much, too perfect. It was way better than how I’d imagined it, a meat hook severing my breasts, belly and pale wobbly bits.

There is a part of me that is very empathetic to myself at this time and to anyone who has an eating disorder. Clearly, I was not in a good place mentally and I sympathize with anyone else going through that. Anorexia comes with depression, the inability to think clearly and crazy-making irrational thought patterns. It is not fun or pretty.

However when I see someone who is anorexic what I feel is rage. An instance that stands out in my mind happened about a year ago during a lunch hour when I took myself out to eat. As I sat with a sandwich and my journal, I was bothered by the bone thin girl picking at her soup the next table over.  She had platinum-blonde curly hair that looked like something from Moulin Rouge, drawn on eyebrows and a dramatic outfit. She reminded me, somewhat, of myself a few years back. But rather than empathizing with her, I couldn’t help feeling the rage. “Why are you giving in?!” I thought looking at her, “Why are you doing this to yourself?!” Yet on the other hand I did understand why…and that just made me all the more angry and sad.

I think a few things were going on for me here. First, seeing someone who is clearly anorexic is going to trigger me. Anorexia is a disease that effects not only yourself but to an extent those around you. As self attack came up, I tried to project some of that attack out onto something or someone else. I felt initial unjust rage at anorexia, but the emotion escalated as I felt helpless to change or control the disease or this girl’s situation. This helpful emotional chart by Nathan McKaskle helps to illustrate what that progression of emotional escalation feels like.

A few studies have been published in recent years about how people react to anorexics. A study by Mond,  Robertson-Smith and Vetere examined negative attitudes toward those with anorexia.  The study found that most attitudes were generally positive but negative attitudes showed when addressing self-centeredness and social distance of the disease. Many participants thought at some point during the study that it “might not be too bad” to be anorexic. Overall, negative attitudes among women and ambivalence about the severity of anorexia were shown to be significant.

Another study at the University of North Carolina measured reactions toward cultural versus genetic explanations for anorexia. The study found that those who were exposed to a biological/genetic theory of the causes of anorexia blamed anorexics less than those who were given a sociocultural one. It might be interesting to now ask yourself how you feel when you see an anorexic, or what your reaction was to my own history given above.

The apparent anorexia in our culture is extremely frustrating. This is a disease that is ultra glamorized in the media now more than ever. According to lectures by Stephen Hinshaw of the department of psychology at UC Berkley, something activates the biological trigger for anorexia in those susceptible to the disease, a trigger which he speculates is in our culture. If that is true there is a possibility that our culture makes all women more at risk for an eating disorder. Perhaps the negative attitudes toward the cultural reasons for anorexia happened because of the participant’s own frustration and rage about the triggers in our culture.

While I get simultaneously triggered and angry when I see photos of emaciated models, what I find even more frustrating and difficult are triggers from family members specifically.  In my own experience, my eating disorder was met with silence from my family and friends, and I doubt this is uncommon. An underwear ad featuring a waif-thin model might spurt a bubble of self attack but nothing can ever trigger me like my Mother. The words I heard at age 13 (and for years thereafter) are burnt into my brain: “You are getting chubby, you need to think about dieting and losing weight.” I think this does fall more into the biological rather than sociological category.

I’m left just wanting to scream. I know that simply reacting when I meet or see someone who is anorexic is not the key. Anytime a reaction that strong takes hold it is important to get curious and dig deep inside to reflect on the emotion. I am extremely angry about anorexia and all of the ads and fashion spreads featuring underweight women. Anorexia is not glamorous. When I was anorexic my thighs and arms were covered purple-pink pimples, my limbs constantly fell asleep and if  I drank a bit too much I would see black spots or pee myself. I know the answer is to not blame the anorexic. Still, when I see photos of skinny starlets or spot too-thin Moms in public I can’t help thinking about the people they may also be be sending into a spiral of sickness.

There is a responsibility that comes with anorexia. There is a part of me that would really like to diet and exercise everyday but I don’t.  I don’t because mental and physical health are actually values of mine. I know my susceptibility and the thought-patterns that would start if I were to diet. I could probably maintain a weight that is on the light side of what is healthy for my size and not be “anorexic” but that just feels like a front for the disease. I don’t let myself fall into this because I want to heal, because I don’t want to trigger other people and the last thing in the world I would want is to help pass this disease on in my future family.

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By Rabbit White | Posted in Articles | Tagged , , | Comments (9)

White Rabbit in Wonderland

2009-06-25 – 12:08

wiw_1rainyday2rainyday1

Nothing spells Wonderland to me like pastels and polka dots with a flouncy skirt and knee socks. Perhaps I  should’ve worn bunny ears and a pocket watch to make it more White Rabbit-y. This was a great pick-me-up for a rainy and stormy day that ended up being full of wonder and curiosity.

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By Rabbit White | Posted in What I Wore | Comments (3)

Finding Spirituality in Atheism

2009-06-24 – 10:06

atheism5

Atheists often cringe at the use of the words “spiritual” and “soul” as they evoke images of a physical spirit linked to a “higher power.” I am an atheist and for lack of a better word, quite spiritual. I don’t believe in the Christian or mystical notion of having a soul that lives on after we die, receiving punishment or reward or floating mysteriously through space and time.  But I do know the feelings that people are trying to describe when they talk about their soul. It’s the very thing that makes you feel alive, that feels wondrous, full of light and energy. It brings a sense of belonging, of love and a deep seated feeling of safety.

There is a reason that religion has spread like a murky cloud over the ages. In religion and spirituality I think people are all trying to get at the same thing, they are trying to achieve and understand the same feeling. This is what had me flirting with the idea of pantheism years ago, because all religions are trying to make the same point… so are they all right? The answer that I found to this question was, no they are all wrong…the flaws are easy to find and I don’t think any of them work. Religion and mysticism provide easy answers (as well as bigotry and violence.) It is much more interesting to dig into these innate feelings and needs using logic and reasoning, to find the hidden longing behind belief in gods.

With mystics it is all about language, talking with mystically inclined people is like trying to solve riddles. In my experience they often talk indirectly around the point, using colorful language and metaphors for a simple and sometimes truthful statement. Yet often I’ve found they are trying to get at something that is rooted in truth but use myths and stories in place of logic and empiricism. If you listen, it is quite easy to break through the babble. Oh, by psychic you mean empathic… By past lives, you mean the weight of emotions and behavior passed down by family members generation to generation…by answers to prayers to you mean solutions and ideas from your unconscious. It goes on and on.

When I was a young my parents took me to church. Once in awhile during a sermon I would feel alive, healed. I felt a life force inside of myself that seemed greater than anything. This feeling is what makes religion very real and what keeps believers faithful. What I felt was a deep feeling inside of strength and power. Like everything was going to be alright, that I had everything I would ever need just inside of me. This feeling is still inside of me and it is stronger than ever, I can access this pleasant and affirming feeling whenever I want. Why? Because it is mine. It is my own strength and my own courage. It is that deep source of love inside that so many people call “God.” It is the capacity of love for yourself and love for others. This is based on your relationship with yourself, not with God. Perhaps it is easier for people to call this strength or inner love “God”, because they feel it is not their place to claim their own strength and greatness.

It is liberating to realize that this feeling is mine, that I am powerful, courageous, full of light. It is also empowering to not project this feeling onto nature, the universe or a “higher power.” Rather to own it, able to go inside and re-fuel, garnering my own inner strength and energy. To me the soul is that place inside that is whole. It is not a connection to nature or a god but a connection to yourself, your “true self.” The person you were at birth, before being broken by the abuse and defenses of everyone around you.

I think that getting in touch with this “soulful” part of ourselves fits right in with the Christian idea of forgiveness. Being in touch with this part often feels like forgiveness. It allows an enlarged view of yourself, whatever guilt or unhappiness was on your mind drifts away in this view that includes all parts of you. Where I think religious people fail is that they don’t take the reins in their own lives. God is in the driver’s seat and they just sit back, sure of a pre-determined plan. Atheists who aren’t spiritual I think could be missing out as well if they are not connecting to this part of themselves and consulting it. But what it comes down to is that Jesus or the stars can’t heal you, only you can heal you.

As both atheism and nihilism become the norm, I think it becomes clear that what is additionally needed is a set idea of ethics and virtue to replace the bigotry and violent “morality” of religion and mysticism. However, just because god doesn’t exist doesn’t mean the psychological basis for god doesn’t exist as well. Looking at the past and even present popularity of religion and mysticism is proof enough of that. Skepticism isn’t enough when it comes to god, you also need to address the hidden longing behind the psychological need to invent a god in the first place. God is a personal journey. The strength and wisdom in all of us is enough

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RabbitLinks

2009-06-20 – 12:25

rabbitlinksrab-links-total

Artists from top to bottom: Erika Somogyi Luke Kopycisnki and The Stuntkid

  • A hilarious read by Agent Lover entitled “If I was a social networking site what would I wear” In which she asks: “Why is everything on the internet blue? Is there some sort of design handbook that states all websites of a certain nature must be a specific shade or variation of “Social Networking Site Blue” (SNSB)?” She goes onto choose outfits for Facebook, Myspace and the rest of the gang.
  • A visually fantastic short film about synesthesia, condition where senses are mixed,  at extremes people report hearing colors and tasting words. I also blogged about this phenomenon and my own synesthesic tendencies.
  • Boing Boing presents a look into the THE ANCIENT BOOK OF SEX AND SCIENCE Which isn’t really about science and reproduction but is a picture book of  midcentury styled paintings by Pixar animators depicting sex, robots and aliens.
  • Chloe’s post on Cameron from Ferris Bueller’s  (gorgeous) Highland Park house being for sale +facts and tidbits you may not know about Ferris Bueller’s day Off.
  • An article entitled “Feminism is only slightly less annoying than Christianity” fromVagina Drum. She writes: “I minored in Women’s Studies in college, which is just another thing defensive white people say, along with “Some of my best friends are black”  in order to prove to everyone that they’re socially aware and not like all those other white people who are in the KKK. I don’t regret it, since I learned a lot of what I should’ve already known.”
  • Pretty Robotic on Boundaries with a great check list for helping to create and keep boundaries.

Also looks into Beth Ditto’s plus sized fashion line leaked this week: only avail in sizes 14-32. From the looks of it, Ms. Ditto did well.

ditto

I looove the second dress. And with that I think ending with the Gossip’s glossy new video is only appropriate.

As an ex riot grrrl I was an early fan of Ditto.  I’m actually not crazy about the disco revival that has been happening in the past year…but I think Beth’s souful voice really lends itself to this sound (which I guess is more electro.)  How about a house revival using Beth’s pipes? I think she’s one lady with the right kind of soul to bring house music back without cheese.

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By Rabbit White | Posted in Rabbit Links | Comments (1)

The way we talk

2009-06-19 – 12:24

accent6

As teenagers,  my friends and I had a distinct way of talking. Our daily vocabulary was peppered with specific slang and our jargon included certain voice pitches and patterns. In high school it seemed most girl cliques had code-words and inclusive ways of talking. How you talked let people know what group you were with; it worked like a secret language.

If I were to hang out with my friends from high school I think we could revert pretty quickly back to a generic version of our old code. And I think there is a good chance that without even talking about it we would retrogress.

One of my exes had a thick Southern hick accent. One Fall he came to visit me in Chicago, he arrived in the evening and we immediately started partying and bonding like old friends. My best friend at the time called around 11 or 12 wanting to come party with us. “Rabbit?!” she repeatedly asked over the phone, obviously confused. “Yes, come over” I said laughing at her befuddlement. The next day she said she could not believe it was me on the phone. “You did not sound like you at all” she stressed. ” You were talking with this Southern accent and I was so confused! I had no idea what was going on!”

I think this phenomenon goes beyond just being nostalgic with old friends and flames. I have found myself changing the way I speak when I meet someone new or am getting to know them. It’s like I unconsciously and instantly read them and then find myself using words I normally wouldn’t or spontaneously talking in a different manner. A friend who was in the midst of wedding planning once told me that she had started talking like her fiance’s sisters. She was aware that she was doing it, but that didn’t stop her…she just couldn’t figure out why she was talking like that.

It is clear in the high school scenario that the outsider’s accent must change, it is about conformance and loyalty to the group. But in a first meeting how is it decided who will bend?  When I alter my way of talking, I think I do it in order to make the other person feel more comfortable. As though if I didn’t change they would feel anxious or even threatened.

I think this is linked to a separate occurrence of processing other people’s emotions for them. If you’ve ever felt bubbling embarrassment for someone else or angry and upset after listening to a friend vent (while they are left feeling relaxed), you are probably a processor. Often, as processors  we end up feeling dumped on by our friends. It feels like your friend can plug right into you, without your consent. Your friend calls to say hi and catch up (but just ends up airing their problems) and before you know it the phone call ends and you are left with anxiety and a black mood. An easy way to tell if you are feeling other people’s emotions is if those emotions are unbearable, if the emotion feels to heavy or too much it is probably not yours.

This habit of processing others’ emotions feels innate. It is usually something the processor was groomed to do from childhood, learning early on to feel Mom’s depression or Dad’s anger. While this can be an annoying affliction it is at it’s best, helpful. Being able to do this feels almost like being psychic. With self-work and practice at protecting your space and boundaries this “gift” can help in being an empathic friend and good listener. But all too often it is unconscious, our friends plug in and we don’t even realize we are feeling their emotions.

So when I am around someone who feels uncomfortable it would make sense that I would process this emotion and my brain would quickly come up with ways to ease their distress. We are sensitive to tone and inflection so changing the way you speak adds up. I think this is especially the case when meeting up with old friends. I think there is always a little bit of fear that your old friend is going to be someone new when you re-connect, that the old bond won’t be there, which is scary. Reverting back to an old accent or way of speaking helps to create comfort and diminish some of those instant fears.

A notion exists that if you easily change your accent then you are not being “real” which is not quite fair. I think this idea of “unrealness”  has to do with the massive and often insecure pride that people feel about their own lives, choices and a fear of change. But if you’ve ever moved far away you know that it doesn’t take long to begin to naturally drop an old accent, and if you’re like me, to instinctively jump into other people’s styles of talking. I think what is key is to notice when you are changing the way you talk, and check in to see why. With that I think you can learn a lot about yourself and whoever’s talk you are emulating.

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By Rabbit White | Posted in Articles | Tagged , | Comments (4)

outfits that happen from never leaving the house

2009-06-18 – 09:28

wiw_1pink-total

This outfit was birthed from not leaving my apartment for a few days on end. I’ve found that after being cooped up inside I usually go one of two ways:  1.) Once out of the house I chat with whatever humans I come into contact with like old friends…old friends who are high on cocaine. This mood usually accompanies a louder “notice me” outfit. or 2.) I feel uncomfortable with leaving my cocoon, vulnerable and almost a bit paranoid…like I need extra protection.

This outfit falls into the latter category. I was craving something soft and comfortable that felt protective. There is also something very feminine about it as well that to me feels comfy/graceful. I was aware that I needed to be emotionally extra gentle with myself and I think what I wore helped me to understand and achieve that delicacy within myself.

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By Rabbit White | Posted in What I Wore | Comments (1)

In Praise of Bisexual Men

2009-06-17 – 08:42

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So, I have a type. This little fetish goes beyond skin color, build or even shoes (it goes without saying that my type have impeccable taste in footwear.) The guys that get me every time are bisexual. Growing up my main crushes were: Prince, David Bowie, Tupac and Connor Oberst. I’m not saying that Tupac was bi…but I am making a mental note. Not every guy that I have dated identified as bisexual, but most all of them were a little femme-y, admittedly bi-curious and definitely leaned toward half fag.

While it is becoming more acceptable for guy’s to take on more feminine roles, you know like having emotions and up keeping basic grooming and hygiene, there is something more inherently effeminate and dandy in the bisexual guys I’ve known. It was something in their personalities that attracted me to them, something softer about them, something that felt magnetic and inviting. There is a sexual aspect to it but being around them also felt comfortable, easy.

Perhaps what draws me to these men is what we have in common:  I also identify as bisexual. There have been conflicting studies about whether or not the GLBT & Q’s have experienced more child abuse than the straights. There have been some recent studies showing that bisexual men are more likely to have an eating disorder than straight men and in turn perhaps experienced more significant child abuse. For me it makes sense that I would be attracted to someone with a similar childhood to mine, it helps normalize it and goes along with the idea of like-self esteem being attracted to like self-esteem.

Perhaps more interesting is what my attraction to bisexuals says about my own parent’s sexuality. In a recent videocast Ned and I discussed how as humans we unconsciously search for mates to fill the role of our opposite sex parent, looking for someone that most reminds you of that parent. So if my type is bisexual…what does that say about my own Father? It’s almost too creepy a subject for me to get into, but I can’t help remember my Mother marveling at how she’d find him in the kitchen at parties, feeling much more comfortable getting chatty with the women than talkin’ with the guys. Also a questionable (and inappropriate)  story he once told me comes to mind about how he briefly lived with a couple out west when he was young…the couple only had one bed which they happily shared.

Regardless of what is going on unconsciously, I do admire bisexual men. It takes a lot of self-awareness and courage to probe the fact that you might be bisexual and much more to come out. Because they are willing to explore this part of themselves it makes me think that bi-guys are more open in general, more curious and intelligent, which to me is endlessly sexy. A study conducted a few years ago about male sexuality by Gerulf Rieger at Northwestern University  led to the media to make brash headlines like “Does Bisexuality really Exist?”  What was found in the controversial study was that bisexuality in men is not biological but cerebral. To me this only backs up the idea that they are more self aware, curious and that bisexuality is something that spreads into the personality.

So this is the part where I out my husband — sorry, Ned. We have a bi-bi marriage and while I hate to burst whatever fantasies that may bring of us swinging in seedy suburban hotel rooms, we are monogamous. As far as bisexuality goes in the relationship, we can check people out together, talk openly about what actors and actresses we find hot, and are possibly more open to new and exciting things in the bedroom than a straight-straight couple. Where I think it does actually come more into play is in our interactions and how we fit together. The fact that he can be more feminine and I can be more masculine creates a natural flow in our relationship.

Just for fun, a list of men that are supposedly bisexual thanks to Wikipedia and a few other sites:

  • Billie Joe Armstrong
  • Marlon Brando
  • Kurt Cobain
  • Dave Navarro
  • Alan Cumming
  • Mick Jagger
  • Sammy Davis Jr.
  • Andy Dick
  • Michael Alig – party promoter/club kid/murderer
  • Calvin Klein
  • Brian Molko – Placebo
  • Lou Reed
  • James Dean
  • Patrick Wolf
  • Pete Shelley – The Buzzcocks
  • Rozz Williams – Christian Death
  • Pete Townshend
  • Brett Easton Ellis -Writer: Less than Zero, American Psycho
  • Tom Ford- Designer, Gucci

Of course there are numerous rumored bi’s that didn’t make the list (Leo Dicaprio, Sean Combs) so feel free to add speculations in the comments (we have our own favorites we enjoy speculating about) :)

Being bisexual and male is a difficult sexuality identity, but I think it is important on the landscape of sexuality. Bisexuality in guys opens up new ways of experiencing masculinity, I think bisexual guys have a larger range of personality and sexuality that accentuates both the feminine and the masculine. I really admire those men that are out and open to talking about their sexuality; they are doing a lot of good not only for themselves but for everyone’s understanding of masculinity and sexuality.

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By Rabbit White | Posted in Articles | Tagged , , | Comments (9)