Answering: “How do I find a balance between being ‘Heart on the Sleeve-Guy’ and ‘The Asshole’ & on the flip-side, finding a balance between being ‘The Party Girl’ & ‘The Relationship Girl’
Ask Rabbit Episode 5: Personalities and Dating from Rabbit White on Vimeo.
Podcast: Download (Duration: 10:00 — 9.2MB)
Also on YouTube!
Show Notes– First I’d like to apologize for being so hetero-normative in this video! I think a lot of this advice could work for more than hetero-relationships, so please excuse my girl-guy examples.
Heart on the Sleeve Guy vs. Bad Boy
- Men are like anyone else, they long for a relationship and the security that comes along with it. That’s not strictly female territory. This should be acknowledged.
- On the other hand there is an aspect of masculinity which has a fierce desire for independence, freedom and self-efficacy. This can work in the relationship as well, by providing stability and freedom, this should also be explored.
- Be an equal opportunity asshole. You need to stay honest and speak your mind about everything. Honest about when you need space and independence. But also be honest about your feelings, all of that heart on the sleeve stuff. That same mouthiness needs to be there about everything.
- Heart on the sleeve guys are passionate about really understanding how they feel, getting the full depth, breadth and awesomeness of your feelings. Don’t clam up about being assertive about your independent side. Be as committed to communicating the other aspects of masculinity as you are about the depth of your emotions.
Relationship Girl vs. PartyGirl
- Relationship Girl: She is always looking for partners, everything would be better if she had her better half. She is in a search for “the one”, believes in true love/love at first sight. She treats every potential she meets as though they could be the one.
- What she needs is to not dote on every potential she meets because they could be perfect but to get to understanding whether or not that person is really the one and move on if they aren’t, trusting her gut instincts. I think that what is missing in many “relationships girls” is an element of independence.
- Relationship girl tends to get these intense crushes and leave it up to the object of her affection to reciprocate, or even make the first move. She needs to bring the ball into her court. She needs to be assertive about what she wants. You can tell the people you are dating what you are looking for up-front.
- When you have sex with someone is up to you, but I think it helps for a woman in a hetero pairing to be in control of the sex: when you have it, how you have it, etc.
- Party Girl: Is seen as fiercely independent. She has lots of relationships but not the kind that lead to marriage. Maybe she’s with the wrong kind of partner.
- Party Girl needs to defend what she wants for her future . Party Girl needs to stop denying her possible future of a long term relationship.
- Redefine what you want, what you are looking for in a long term relationship. Reflect and imagine what you truly want your life to look like. Define your virtues, you can have your dream partner if you find and acknowledge what you really want!
I’d love to hear from you: askrabbit@rabbitwrite.com
Subscribe to my blog!
Subscribe to my podcast!Related posts:
