Rabbit Write

Do you ever find yourself ruminating over things in your head, over-worrying or being hard on yourself? Who hasn’t? Sometimes it seems we are programmed to be this way, and it can even be difficult to realize we are doing it. That can feel like we are destined to live our lives forever pushing ourselves forward with little regard to our feelings and needs. While we may be getting things done, this is not a balanced approach and can lead to serious anxiety and emotional issues.

Self-Care is a concept of maintaining personal health and being gentle and curious with oneself. Self Care provides keys to learning to love yourself, we all know the old adage of  “if you can’t love yourself…”

I’ve been building a better relationship with myself through purposeful self-care for awhile and I have found it totally essential on my journey to self-awareness. Here I am sharing my self care secrets with you. I have broken it down into three groups: The Mind, The Body and The Space. These lists are the things I am constantly striving for. Don’t give up or beat yourself up if you find they don’t get done, they are just a set of goals to continually try to achieve. And just trying feels good and can make a difference in the quality of your life.

How do you improve your quality of life? Add to the list by Commenting  with your Self-Care ideas!

Ideas for Your Mind

1. Make an attempt to notice when you are self-attacking.  Acknowledge that you are attacking yourself. Understand what that feels like, then perhaps go into figuring out how it happened. Try not to just stay in that mindset.
2. Identify what mentally nourishes you and brings you joy, then allow time for this each day.
3. Work on noticing when you are ruminating over a topic, or excessively worrying. Realize that you are just ruminating for some reason. This may not make it go away but acknowledging that it’s not actually the source of your anxiety and that death is not actually impending can help.
4. Try for one day to record every strong emotion you feel during the day, write down when you felt it and what was going on, mentally, emotionally and physically. Work on staying in your self and engaged during the day.
5. Work on realizing when you are processing someone else’s emotions for them. A great rule of thumb is: if the emotion is unbearable it probably isn’t yours. Ask yourself, who is this emotion benefiting?
6. Empathize with your past self. Maybe you weren’t making good choices or taking care of yourself in the past. Understand why you needed to do those things, or dig into what you were re-creating. Focus on the better decisions you are making now.
7. Consciously try to be in the here and now. Try to not worry about the future or past and realize when you are dissociating. Why are you not present, what do you feel?
8. Engage your mind. Talk about the deep topics with people. Your emotions, your thoughts, your beliefs. Refuse to do small-talk with people that you are in intimate relationships with. (significant other, close friends, family)
9. Work on dropping defenses or acknowledging when you are becoming defended. When a partner or friend gets angry or upset with you, try to not simply react but explore why they may have been angry or sad. At the core, it is probably not about you. It helps me to remember this person loves me, they aren’t attacking me but expressing their feelings.
10. Meditate. Okay, so I love meditation but I have to have CD’s to do it, none of that gazing into a candle or just closing the eyes stuff works for me. I recommended Carolyn McManus’s cds, they have been a great investment for me.
11. Journal. Write about your emotions, troubles, anything. Free write or free doodle. I find it helps in finding the “aha”.
12. Become aware of behavior you want to change. You can then examine why this behavior was developed. Ask yourself, when else do I remember feeling this way?
13. Just be and relax. This is a moment to be alone and listen inwardly. Sometimes I don’t need to meditate or journal, I just need to lay down for a moment and relax. Think or let the thoughts slip by, just get cozy with yourself.
14. Keep track of your dreams. You don’t necessarily have to do the dream-journal thing but try reflecting and on your dreams the next day.
15. Try doing some art therapy. You can do some free-drawing or painting at home or look into art therapy classes in your area.
16. Recognize when your inner critic is speaking, listen to what this critic has to say, thank it for the input and move on. Do not let it ruminate or yell at you. Work on taking a rational approach to what the critic says. So often our inner critics are being hypocritical.
17. Work on staying in the moment with people. Slow down. When someone says something that upsets or angers you, try catching that emotion early and telling them what you feel. This is the RTR approach.
18. Work on building a relationship with your inner child. You can parent that child now.
19. Take a few opportunities during the day to center yourself. You’ll probably find your own way to do this, but mine stems from meditation. I close my eyes and breathe deeply, connecting to what I feel inside. I let my thoughts slide away and continue breathing until I find that place inside that feels like it is waiting for me to discover it, the warm affirming feeling that is my core-self.

Ideas for Your Body

1. I find that at-home cooking makes me feel all-around healthy. I always plan my meals on Sunday mornings so I know what I will make during the week before heading out to buy.
2. Self-Care is also physical and means being in touch with and “in” your body. A nice way to feel in your body is to moisturize your skin taking special notice to how each body part feels.
3. A similar one is to give yourself relaxing extra care in the bath or shower, gently and mindfully washing each body part.
4. Have a before-bed routine. Executing this one helps if you don’t stay on the couch watching movies until you’re zombie-tired…something I am all too guilty-of.
5. Don’t over exercise. If going to work out sounds like death, then don’t do it.
6. Work on setting personal boundaries. What are you comfortable or uncomfortable with?
7. Go on walks. During lunch, after dinner, before work, whenever you can fit it in.
8. When there is an unpleasant sensation in your body, such as a ball of nerves in your stomach, allow yourself to feel it, focus on it, describe it to yourself. Explore what you feel emotionally. The best way to get rid of a feeling is to fully feel it. It can then transform to something else.
9. Eat what you are craving and stock your fridge with lots of fresh foods.
10. Cuddle with something. I’ve found that by cradling a stuffed animal and feeling gentle toward something else, I can successfully feel more gentle toward myself.
11. Work on loving and accepting your body as it is. Try to love it as a whole, how it is today.
12. Eat slower, enjoy meals. This one is hard for me when I am eating alone, but is almost always worth it.
13. Do what your body craves. Does yoga sound good? Does sleep sound good? Does relaxing on the couch sound good? Listen to yourself.
14. Try out the Doctor-doled drinking advice. Don’t exceed 7 alcoholic drinks per week if you are a lady or 14 if you are a guy. For women don’t go over 3 a day, and guy’s don’t go over 4.
15. If you are going through a rough patch, splurge and schedule some healing work. Get a massage, or if that’s out of your price range buy some luxurious new bath products and do the at-home-spa thing.
16. Take care of pains and illnesses no matter how minor.
17. Don’t hold back your tears, let yourself cry.

Ideas for Your Space

1. Have a safe space in your house. Mine is the bedroom, when everything in the world is dark and bad, I know I am okay there.
2. If you live with someone, work out how you will share tasks. This one sounds too easy, but it works so well.
3. Take the trash out on your way out the door each morning. I think this is essential in a healthy-home.
4. Eat on real china, drink from real crystal. Anyone with a thrift store in their town can afford to do it!
5. Choose a home-scent. This is a comforting one for me, I like keeping the whole house in one scent, I chose lavender for my apartment and jasmine for the bedroom.
6. Substitute those “shoulds” for what you feel you need. Should you be working instead of cleaning but you know you’d feel better is you organized your desk? Don’t do the should, do what you think is going to make you feel best.
7. Don’t bring anything into your home that you don’t love or need.
8. Do the dishes once a day. I suggest either in the morning or before bed.
9. Have bedding that you can’t resist and make the bed daily. Mine is ultra-all-white.The bed is a very personal space: it is the comfy space, the sleep space and the sensual/intimate space. Make it a monument.
10. Paint the apartment! Sure it’s a pain but an accent wall isn’t too hard. Do it during the nice summer weather and come winter you’ll be so happy your living room is a color that makes you feel good.
11. Buy fresh flowers weekly. It does bring something to the space. While it is still summer-time utilize the Farmers Market for affordable beautiful finds. You can also always buy a pretty bouquet at Trader Joes for under $7.
12. Declutter your space. Ned and I did this one as he has pack-rat tendencies. We had a huge box for throw-away if they didn’t pass “Do I need it- Do I love it” question.
13. Organize something. I organized my make-up and jewelry drawers with organizers from Ikea and feel great every time I open them. My clothing drawers on the other hand…still need help!
14. Wipe down your desk everyday and keep items that feel comforting to you at work, whether it be a scented lotion or having a toothbrush on hand.
15. Strip your Wardrobe and give items to friends.
16. Throw out the half used make-up and bath products that you know you don’t use.

Inside of each of these ideas are infinitely more ideas.  Self-Care is different for everyone and can be vastly unique. I would love for you to add to this list, What do you do for self care? What works for you? What are your self-care-secrets?

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