What feelings or images does the word intimacy evoke? Some research has me at the drawing board, re-thinking what intimacy is, and what it means to me. The ways we experience intimacy are incredibly vast. Was your mental image of intimacy sexual? So often, as sexual beings, we equate intimacy with sex and it seems we see sex as the highest form of intimacy. Yet I don’t think that sex necessarily results in the greatest intimacy, I think there is true and deep intimacy without sex– and in turn sex without intimacy.
Sex might not be the highest form of intimacy but I think it is definitely the most common. I’ve always thought that sex was sort of like a short-cut to intimacy, a way to quickly connect but not as good as getting there through honest communication and vulnerability.
We also don’t have many models for non-sexual intimacy, especially for those of us who did not grow up in households where feelings were honestly talked about and vulnerability felt safe. In films, TV and books we rarely see characters who have intimate moments that aren’t sexual. There are many times when a film could have it’s characters truly become vulnerable and relate…but instead a sex scene is substituted.
To me, intimacy is one of the most precious of human experiences. Intimacy is trust, it is feeling safe enough to be emotionally vulnerable with another human being. Intimacy allows empathy, mirroring and is perhaps the most intense of all connections two people can have.
Just as there needs to be the deepness of intimacy in a relationship, there should be plenty of sparkling light. Connecting honestly and vulnerably is heavy and there should be lots of laughter and frivolity too. This i where you can see if your intimacy is safe with them, is this person respectful and kind toward you when you aren’t being intimate?
For me, the height of intimacy is engaging in radically honest, vulnerable exchanges. It is about being in the moment, honest about your feelings and thoughts in the moment. When I am able to have truthful communications with people, when they respond with curiosity, when we both share and become incredibly honest I am left with such a shimmering body buzz. This level of intimacy brings a high that not even sex can duplicate.
