Photo: 2006 Rabbit
“you’re born naked and everything else you put on is drag.” – Rupaul
I recently received an e-mail from a friend and reader regarding the question of healthy fashion. She asks about the idea that when a style leads to extremes it becomes unhealthy. She leans to an alternative, theatrical style of dressing but is worried that dressing to extremes sends a message that she has low self esteem or does not value herself.
I think everything we do to modify or not modify our bodies creates a mask. Cutting and dying your hair is a mask just as leaving it natural and letting it grow long is a mask. Your mask sends a message to the world about you. You are not your vessel, you are the life, emotions and personalities inside of it, so it makes sense that what is going on inside you’d want to show on the out.
The message that your mask sends to the world works as a filtering system. It affects what type of people are going to approach you and how they view you. At the age of 16, I discovered punk rock and began strongly identifying with alternative styles. By wearing studs, plaids and ripped up patches I could filter effectively; most people approaching me would have the same aesthetic and cultural interests as me, and I think a like self-esteem. While everyone’s mask is a filter, it is more unrelenting with extreme styles like my teenage punk look. Instead of simply filtering I was sending a message to most people of stay away, but notice me. I think that because I often felt invisible as a child, I commanded being noticed as a teen, I needed to be seen while my mask sent out an aggressive and uninviting message to the world.
I don’t condemn myself for that extreme look, it helped get me through those years. However, I do think that problems arise when an extreme look takes over as your primary identity, when it becomes an obsession and this doesn’t just apply to alternative styles. Whether you can’t stand your face without your piercings or you can’t leave the house without a full face of make-up, it is somewhat crippling. I used to bleach my hair; during those platinum years I reached a low point in my self-esteem and overall health and life. I became convinced that without my blonde hair I was ugly, I had to be blonde to be noticed and pretty. While I was trying to reflect in my style the imagination and beauty I still felt inside, I became obsessed with trying to escape my history and reality by hiding my scared naked face, as if some dye and pastel eyeshadow could cover up my wounds.
In my experience extreme fashion at it’s most dangerous can become an somewhat of an enabler to a destructive inner life. At my lowest point I was going out every night and getting totally inebriated. My flamboyant outfits usually consisted of revealing dresses, tall heels and loud make up. I put myself in a lot of dangerous situations like doing drugs with strangers while wearing next to nothing, often black-out wasted. I’m not saying it was the dress’ fault, but I was not making good decisions and I think that my mask really reflected that. I was filtering for people with like self-esteem to help enable my self harm.
I think what it comes down to is the knowledge that what you wear sends a message. To me, a balance is essential; you can still use alternative fashions and filter for similar interests without going to obsessive extremes that take up brain space and pigeonhole you. Breaking from past masks can be scary. Often, weather we realize it or not, many of our friendships are fashion-based. When you grow and morph the outside with the in, you may find friendships getting sifted away.
When I began working through my history and issues, I slowly became comfortable with my natural face and body, my extreme style no longer fit. What I wear now reflects my aesthetics and interests but at the heart it’s quite emotional and personal. It all depends on what is inspiring me at the time: my moods, feelings and experiences. And it is always shifting, growing. I love that I have fashion as an outlet, with reflection it has become an enriching aspect of my life.
Your mood and look is going to change everyday, so what you are comfortable with one day you may not be the next, and that is okay. It is about being authentic. I think self reflection is key and the knowledge that how you present yourself will send a message that affects other people’s moods, imagination and how they perceive you. Rather than being boxed in extremes, I think that being a free open canvas is where it’s at.
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6 Comments
this is an extremely good post, the idea that even if we’re not plastered in make up and dont have crazy hair is still some kind of mask expressing who we are in some way is really interesting. But its a valid point, i keep my hair its natural colour and natural waviness for a reason as opposed to dying it a reddish colour or something. But does calling it a mask imply we are hiding what we really are? or does what we wear really give off a signal as to who we are?
Yes, being open and free is the way to go. Most of the time, I feel I can’t connect to people because I don’t fit into a certain mold they think I should fit into. I went through a similar journey as you, and it’s empowering to realize you don’t have to keep up a certain look to communicate who you are to others. This type of mentality only comes after some deep looking into yourself, and it’s sad that some don’t reach that point.
XOXO
great post rabbit. learning to love my natural looks was a long and difficult proccess for me. the part i used to hate most was my natural red hair, and like you i bleached it platinum blonde or smothered it with pink dye. I have learned to love it though ^_^
that quote by rupaul can be found in an episode of Geraldo somewhere on youtube. its one of my favs
Rabbit, i love this post! i’m so glad we have authenticity like yours on the internetz. keep up the great work!
Brilliant post
“You are not your vessel, you are the life, emotions and personalities inside of it”
Useful to see that written down!
Candice,
To answer your question I think calling it a mask goes hand in hand with the idea that you are not your vessel, so with that life inside your vessel, you create something on the outside that feels right to you. I think what we wear absolutely gives off signals about us. I think they at least have to be a shallow part of the blink phenomenon and the idea that you know everything you need to about a person within seconds of meeting them. Those signals we send are often either excluding or welcoming. The problem with it being exclusive is that people often get filtered out for vapid reasons. It puts a new spin on getting ready in the morning that is for sure.
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