Comments on: Good People, Bad People + Dropping Defenses http://rabbitwrite.com/good-people-bad-people-dropping-defenses/ Communicating Strength and Empathy Thu, 11 Mar 2010 21:31:50 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Rabbit White http://rabbitwrite.com/good-people-bad-people-dropping-defenses/#comment-7726 Rabbit White Fri, 30 Oct 2009 16:04:31 +0000 http://rabbitwrite.com/?p=1732#comment-7726 So glad you've found it helpful, PR! Not being defensive is a struggle, but living your life being aware of your actions is sooo worth it! So glad you’ve found it helpful, PR! Not being defensive is a struggle, but living your life being aware of your actions is sooo worth it!

]]> By: Pretty Robotic http://rabbitwrite.com/good-people-bad-people-dropping-defenses/#comment-7704 Pretty Robotic Thu, 29 Oct 2009 17:35:01 +0000 http://rabbitwrite.com/?p=1732#comment-7704 Great post, rabbit! Thanks for these key tips! I've noticed not too long ago that when in situations I can become too emotional/clouded and sort of save the situation for later. When then I just don't go back at all. However, I've really been trying to make the change to pause and breathe. If I can't manage at that time, I make sure to come back to it with journal writing or talking it through out loud. Verbalizing and asking questions. I'm trying to give myself the chance and opportunity to not get tangled up. These tips give me a great checklist of options to help me get through these defensive barriers! Great post, rabbit! Thanks for these key tips! I’ve noticed not too long ago that when in situations I can become too emotional/clouded and sort of save the situation for later. When then I just don’t go back at all. However, I’ve really been trying to make the change to pause and breathe. If I can’t manage at that time, I make sure to come back to it with journal writing or talking it through out loud. Verbalizing and asking questions. I’m trying to give myself the chance and opportunity to not get tangled up. These tips give me a great checklist of options to help me get through these defensive barriers!

]]> By: Rabbit White http://rabbitwrite.com/good-people-bad-people-dropping-defenses/#comment-7699 Rabbit White Thu, 29 Oct 2009 13:49:33 +0000 http://rabbitwrite.com/?p=1732#comment-7699 Candice, I totally agree, arguments often seem to become competitions. I remember this even from when I was younger, my parents always complaining of "getting the last word" with whoever they were arguing with, whether it was each other or my sister or me, it seemed that their opponent always just "had to get the last word." Arguing in this fashion shoots me straight back to childhood and unconscious defenses, but also for me it seems to have to do with anger. It's like yeah I see your point and I know I may be defensive, but you still angered me and I need you to know that by getting in the last word. I totally agree with you that happiness should be the mutual goal, beautifully said! Thank you Candice! Candice,
I totally agree, arguments often seem to become competitions. I remember this even from when I was younger, my parents always complaining of “getting the last word” with whoever they were arguing with, whether it was each other or my sister or me, it seemed that their opponent always just “had to get the last word.” Arguing in this fashion shoots me straight back to childhood and unconscious defenses, but also for me it seems to have to do with anger. It’s like yeah I see your point and I know I may be defensive, but you still angered me and I need you to know that by getting in the last word. I totally agree with you that happiness should be the mutual goal, beautifully said! Thank you Candice!

]]> By: Candice http://rabbitwrite.com/good-people-bad-people-dropping-defenses/#comment-7698 Candice Thu, 29 Oct 2009 13:33:01 +0000 http://rabbitwrite.com/?p=1732#comment-7698 great post rachel I just wanted to add that in arguments i think one of the reasons people get so defensive is because who is right and who is wrong is like a competition that both sides are eager to win. This is not an extreme example but i see it happen all the time at my work place, one colleague tells another colleague that something needs to be done or that some item is in a certain place etc, and the other disagrees, when one of them is proven wrong the one who is right will jibe and point the finger saying something along the lines of "haha, you were wrong and i was right!" and there is this kind of temporary superiority in the air while the other is often left feeling annoyed and possibly shameful or angry. I think many arguments stop when people stop using who is right and who is wrong as a competition, but instead work towards each others happiness as a mutual goal. great post rachel

I just wanted to add that in arguments i think one of the reasons people get so defensive is because who is right and who is wrong is like a competition that both sides are eager to win.

This is not an extreme example but i see it happen all the time at my work place, one colleague tells another colleague that something needs to be done or that some item is in a certain place etc, and the other disagrees, when one of them is proven wrong the one who is right will jibe and point the finger saying something along the lines of “haha, you were wrong and i was right!” and there is this kind of temporary superiority in the air while the other is often left feeling annoyed and possibly shameful or angry.

I think many arguments stop when people stop using who is right and who is wrong as a competition, but instead work towards each others happiness as a mutual goal.

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