Before I discovered punk rock at 16 and buried myself in angst and safety pins, I was drawn, moth-to-flame, to some vague notion of goth sub-culture. I wore loads of black and eyeliner, snuck out to meet boys in cemeteries and tried to figure myself out in between Kittie and Fiona Apple songs. I didn’t actually identify as goth…or really even know what it meant (this was even before Hot Topic entered my vernacular) but there was something irresistible about this dark, moody aesthetic.
Indulging this interest proved to be a very powerful affirmation of self, perhaps it was because I was making individual choices for the first time and following my own interests… yet still I wonder what exactly it was is that this goth-like identity did for me. Why did wearing it fit so well? Back then this aesthetic was something of a symbol of reverence. Perhaps it meant that people didn’t have to understand me, but that they would they would take me seriously, or at least understand that I was serious being.
There was also an interest in the morbid (which isn’t too far from healthy curiosity) and a romanticism of all things dark. If you had no control over the bad things in your life, or in all life, romanticizing yourself as simply a dark character can bring a sense of control, even if it is all pure fantasy.
There is still this reflective, creative and misunderstood 15-year-old inside of me. And true with my fashion-as-therapy “What I Wore” philosophy, it is through her layers of dark clothing that she is able to speak, to scream, to weep. It seems she gets triggered every year around Fall, with the crunching of red leaves, and I warmly welcome her with ripped tights and a fresh stick of eyeliner. Do you have any goth-tendencies floating in your past? What did your dark-persona do for you?
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Of course, I find myself doing the same thing when this time of the year arrives. And it reminds me of my younger days, as well. I definitely still romanticize the darker and deeper side, which gets reflected in my style. I suppose it’s just a bit more grown up, however I’ve been longing to add my old knee high combat boots with an ensemble. I’m considering it as a must! I love your look though! The goth look modernized is much more updated, sleek, and feminine!
Btw, head over to Pretty Robotic, I gave you a Kreativ Blogger Award! Thanks for the constant inspiration!
I empathize with you in a very similar way. I can theorize it has something to do about coming of age in a grunge and post grunge era as a eccentric ex-catholic living in a white sub-suburban town 40 minutes or more from any mall or music store. Sounds typical but being forced to be an alter boy, sometimes 7 days a week and at ludicrously early hours and having to hear old people sing might have something to do with why i am drawn to the so-called “scary” things life. Yeah, Nine Inch Nails ruined me. I dated a girl from Hot Topic and we went to the graveyards. I sang in an unknown midwestern metal (aka Nu-metal/garage punk) band at the end of high school. Was voted “most unique” by my senior class as a joke. I worked at a video store as the horror guy.
Getting out of my hometown and moving to this city had been gradually changing me but it wasn’t until after turning 21 that i was able to get fed up with the goth/ebm/industrial scene. I just imagine the girls on the dance floor, dressed in black, dramatically moving the imaginary cobwebs from in front of there faces before doing some take on karate. It can’t be taken seriously as much as it screams to be taken as such.
Despite having removed myself from Chicago’s gothy scene almost completely I can’t ignore my fascination with the dark. I also can’t ignore that most angry goth kids have horrid fashion sense. I wear black religiously this time of year and own the occasional t-shirt with graphics like a wolf with little girl arms sticking out of its mouth or a coffin. What i don’t wear is the spiked collars or the fishnets or the bad black dye. Im almost embarrassed to admit this but i will keep an eye peeled for graphic boxers or briefs around Halloween time to be worn year round. So I guess, at 26, my look still screams but just not as loud.
Side note: Will the popularity of the image of the skull die already?
PR: Yay on the kreativ award! And what is it about Fall that brings out the inner-goth??
Blake: lol @ most unique. Especially with where goth sub-culture is now I don’t think it is taken seriously. Yet still in my 15-year-old mind I understood that was what the essence of goth was, and I suppose I did take it seriously then. I also owned black fishnet tops and studded collars, oh dear. Taking the look down a few notches is what I also still do from time to time, as shown in this post. I still also have a fascination with “the dark” I found myself recently squealing in Targets Halloween isle, thinking I needed everything just for home decor! I am still not sure what the fascination with the dark does for me…but it is an interesting thought.
And skulls to me are already dead.
It no longer amazes me that people think Goth is a fashion statment or it comes at a part of the year. Being a Goth is a life style, not just when the mood hits you. I do not mean to offend you with these words, but you need to look deeper than just the dress of possers. By your leave I will close with this; Do not leave a path for others to follow, for there is little that we touch that we do not destroy.
With Respects X
Glock,
I totally relate to you on the frustration that comes when counter-culture is co-opted by the mainstream. I think that most people do get there is more to such movements than fashion however, they just usually get it wrong! As a teen I was drawn to this idea of goth for what I thought it represented, rather than it’s aesthetics. I of course am not goth, but there is still this part of me that is intrigued and relates to the idea of what it represents.