Comments on: Like a Virgin http://rabbitwrite.com/like-a-virgin/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=like-a-virgin Communicating Strength and Empathy Mon, 06 Sep 2010 17:46:52 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Rabbit White http://rabbitwrite.com/like-a-virgin/#comment-6179 Rabbit White Wed, 12 Aug 2009 14:08:55 +0000 http://rabbitwrite.com/?p=1453#comment-6179 Vanessa- I also would like to add that your mother grounding you for having sex is also entirely fucked up for your sex life, self-esteem and everything else. If she can't see that of course she won't be able to talk to you about it. You do have a right to feel angry about that! Sassy Girl- Yeah I feel for you, as my friend always said once you've held onto it through all that you might as well wait. I think it's lovely and probably a good decision of you to wait until you find a love! <3 Ashkan, I agree that it is the same for both genders, this is something that needs to be understood! Vanessa- I also would like to add that your mother grounding you for having sex is also entirely fucked up for your sex life, self-esteem and everything else. If she can’t see that of course she won’t be able to talk to you about it. You do have a right to feel angry about that!

Sassy Girl- Yeah I feel for you, as my friend always said once you’ve held onto it through all that you might as well wait. I think it’s lovely and probably a good decision of you to wait until you find a love! <3

Ashkan, I agree that it is the same for both genders, this is something that needs to be understood!

]]> By: ashkan http://rabbitwrite.com/like-a-virgin/#comment-6158 ashkan Tue, 11 Aug 2009 17:19:29 +0000 http://rabbitwrite.com/?p=1453#comment-6158 hey, i am a 20 y old guy and still virgin :(, but good things are on way i am now on vacation in thailand and gonna throwing it out, anyway there is no diffrent for guys and girls in virginity. hey, i am a 20 y old guy and still virgin
:( , but good things are on way i am now on vacation in thailand and gonna throwing it out, anyway there is no diffrent for guys and girls in virginity.

]]> By: SassyGirl http://rabbitwrite.com/like-a-virgin/#comment-6151 SassyGirl Tue, 11 Aug 2009 03:35:41 +0000 http://rabbitwrite.com/?p=1453#comment-6151 Thank you for sharing that, it was a well thought-out entry. I definitely fall into the "gifter" category, I still haven't lost my virginity at the age of 21. I can sympathize with your friend, sometimes I think it'd be easier just to lose it, because I've been propositioned for sex by boys that I might've liked a romp in the sack with but wouldn't want to "lose my virginity to." It does seem like a burden at times. But most of the time, I am fairly certain I want to lose my virginity to someone I love, who loves me back, so I am content with waiting. .-= SassyGirl´s last blog ..<a href="http://www.girlandcity.com/2009/08/change/" rel="nofollow">Change.</a> =-. Thank you for sharing that, it was a well thought-out entry. I definitely fall into the “gifter” category, I still haven’t lost my virginity at the age of 21. I can sympathize with your friend, sometimes I think it’d be easier just to lose it, because I’ve been propositioned for sex by boys that I might’ve liked a romp in the sack with but wouldn’t want to “lose my virginity to.” It does seem like a burden at times. But most of the time, I am fairly certain I want to lose my virginity to someone I love, who loves me back, so I am content with waiting.
SassyGirl´s last blog ..Change. My ComLuv Profile

]]> By: Rabbit White http://rabbitwrite.com/like-a-virgin/#comment-6134 Rabbit White Mon, 10 Aug 2009 13:55:49 +0000 http://rabbitwrite.com/?p=1453#comment-6134 Vanessa, Thanks for writing, I really feel for you and your situation. I think that deep sense of connection is natural and sadly so is the depression :(. I've been there and can attest that it feels like the single worst feeling in the world, like constant misery, like waiting to die but it WILL pass, I promise. The only way out of it is to feel it, acknowledge the depression (as you already are!) and work through it. So you seem to be doing a great job so far. This can also be a time to learn more about yourself, the more deeply we feel the more I think we can learn about ourselves. I suggest keeping a steady journal, taking up an emotionally-expressive activity such as painting or photography. Meditation and therapy or art therapy are also great avenues for this as well.Just remember to be extra gentle with yourself during this time, set aside time to do nice things for yourself, try to stay in the moment and in your body during the lows, as bad as they hurt. Strive to become you-positive steer away from self-destruction even as it may be a struggle. It might take a long time to work through this and that is okay. Just be your own best friend through this time, being gentle with yourself and staying safe. I promise it will get better. And when it does then you can start figuring out what went wrong, processing the relationship, why you chose this guy, what he did for you so you can learn from it and not repeat a similar mistake down the road. This is a big deal, and this could be a life changing time for you. Just remember that this won't be forever, take care of yourself during this time! Stay strong and thanks so much for sharing. Vanessa,

Thanks for writing, I really feel for you and your situation. I think that deep sense of connection is natural and sadly so is the depression :( . I’ve been there and can attest that it feels like the single worst feeling in the world, like constant misery, like waiting to die but it WILL pass, I promise. The only way out of it is to feel it, acknowledge the depression (as you already are!) and work through it. So you seem to be doing a great job so far. This can also be a time to learn more about yourself, the more deeply we feel the more I think we can learn about ourselves. I suggest keeping a steady journal, taking up an emotionally-expressive activity such as painting or photography. Meditation and therapy or art therapy are also great avenues for this as well.Just remember to be extra gentle with yourself during this time, set aside time to do nice things for yourself, try to stay in the moment and in your body during the lows, as bad as they hurt. Strive to become you-positive steer away from self-destruction even as it may be a struggle. It might take a long time to work through this and that is okay. Just be your own best friend through this time, being gentle with yourself and staying safe. I promise it will get better. And when it does then you can start figuring out what went wrong, processing the relationship, why you chose this guy, what he did for you so you can learn from it and not repeat a similar mistake down the road. This is a big deal, and this could be a life changing time for you. Just remember that this won’t be forever, take care of yourself during this time! Stay strong and thanks so much for sharing.

]]> By: Vanessa http://rabbitwrite.com/like-a-virgin/#comment-6129 Vanessa Mon, 10 Aug 2009 10:05:39 +0000 http://rabbitwrite.com/?p=1453#comment-6129 Alright I'm not sure how completely lame I am going to sound, but I just need to put this all out there. Trying to make a long story short,about two and a half weeks ago I lost my precious "diaphanous piece of skin" haha:) I had put TONS of thought into it,since I was about 12 actually,perfecting how it would definately be.It turned out pretty close actually,to my fairytale.Cute guy,one I wasnt completely invested in but adored me,at his parents house alone,right after he played guitar for me(we actually played a game of checkers too,did not see that coming) but anyways we eventually ended up in a sweaty yelling smiling mess tangled in his sheets. He said wonderful things that should be only in movies,wanted to cuddle,and even held my hand the whole car ride back to my house at 4 am. Well in coming home at such an indecent time I got grounded,actually grounded,and had my phone and my laptop taken away which I recently got back. Anyways,afterwards I felt this deep sense of connection with him,and I know this doesnt mean that I am in love with this guy,but at that moment when I was looking at him right in the eyes and realized that I was changed in bigger ways than I thought,I had thoughts of love that came with the act of giving myself to him,basically. So I want to know why now Ive been feeling so god damn depressed?I mean really all the works.I cry at the very mention of anything that reminds me of him,which is everything.No apetite,nausea,my body literally aches from emotional pain,I feel lonely empty,and completely withdrawn from the world.And in getting my lines of communication back,I find that he does not want anything to do with me and has in fact moved on with several other girls. What really gets me is that I still feel connected with him no matter how much I want him to be of little importance to me as I am to him.Ive tried talking to my own mother about this as a last resort and bless her heart she tried,but she really did not understand. Reading your article I feel like I really could identify with everything you said,about your first time;your feelings before and after,etc. So how did you get over it?Because I see absolutely no way out of these feelings. Alright I’m not sure how completely lame I am going to sound, but I just need to put this all out there.
Trying to make a long story short,about two and a half weeks ago I lost my precious “diaphanous piece of skin” haha:)
I had put TONS of thought into it,since I was about 12 actually,perfecting how it would definately be.It turned out pretty close actually,to my fairytale.Cute guy,one I wasnt completely invested in but adored me,at his parents house alone,right after he played guitar for me(we actually played a game of checkers too,did not see that coming) but anyways we eventually ended up in a sweaty yelling smiling mess tangled in his sheets.
He said wonderful things that should be only in movies,wanted to cuddle,and even held my hand the whole car ride back to my house at 4 am.
Well in coming home at such an indecent time I got grounded,actually grounded,and had my phone and my laptop taken away which I recently got back.
Anyways,afterwards I felt this deep sense of connection with him,and I know this doesnt mean that I am in love with this guy,but at that moment when I was looking at him right in the eyes and realized that I was changed in bigger ways than I thought,I had thoughts of love that came with the act of giving myself to him,basically.
So I want to know why now Ive been feeling so god damn depressed?I mean really all the works.I cry at the very mention of anything that reminds me of him,which is everything.No apetite,nausea,my body literally aches from emotional pain,I feel lonely empty,and completely withdrawn from the world.And in getting my lines of communication back,I find that he does not want anything to do with me and has in fact moved on with several other girls.
What really gets me is that I still feel connected with him no matter how much I want him to be of little importance to me as I am to him.Ive tried talking to my own mother about this as a last resort and bless her heart she tried,but she really did not understand.
Reading your article I feel like I really could identify with everything you said,about your first time;your feelings before and after,etc. So how did you get over it?Because I see absolutely no way out of these feelings.

]]> By: Cassandra http://rabbitwrite.com/like-a-virgin/#comment-5636 Cassandra Mon, 15 Jun 2009 02:01:51 +0000 http://rabbitwrite.com/?p=1453#comment-5636 Your story is very touching, and I can sympathize. Although I lost my virginity at about the same age as your friend that you mentioned in the story, I went a little stalker-esque myself. I think it's because, feeling comfortable enough with someone to actually physically give yourself to them takes a lot. So, when it does happen and you don't get the response you expected from the other person afterwards, it's heartbreaking. In my case, the guy really turned out to be a piece of work. I let myself be the victim. With age comes wisdom, I guess? Like someone said in the comments, you come to realize that the whole raining confetti thing just doesn't exist. I think often times people are lucky if they share their first time with someone they truly love. Most of the time it's fleeting romances. To some people, it means nothing and they can't understand why it would. Funny enough, I had a bet with one of my friends when I was about 15. We said that the summer after grade 10 was over, it was our goal to have sex. She followed through on it, but I couldn't do it. My body is like my own personal temple to me. Not just anyone is going to get to see it, much less poke around. haha. Your story is very touching, and I can sympathize. Although I lost my virginity at about the same age as your friend that you mentioned in the story, I went a little stalker-esque myself.

I think it’s because, feeling comfortable enough with someone to actually physically give yourself to them takes a lot. So, when it does happen and you don’t get the response you expected from the other person afterwards, it’s heartbreaking.

In my case, the guy really turned out to be a piece of work. I let myself be the victim. With age comes wisdom, I guess? Like someone said in the comments, you come to realize that the whole raining confetti thing just doesn’t exist. I think often times people are lucky if they share their first time with someone they truly love. Most of the time it’s fleeting romances.

To some people, it means nothing and they can’t understand why it would. Funny enough, I had a bet with one of my friends when I was about 15. We said that the summer after grade 10 was over, it was our goal to have sex. She followed through on it, but I couldn’t do it.

My body is like my own personal temple to me. Not just anyone is going to get to see it, much less poke around. haha.

]]> By: Aleks http://rabbitwrite.com/like-a-virgin/#comment-5624 Aleks Fri, 12 Jun 2009 19:35:26 +0000 http://rabbitwrite.com/?p=1453#comment-5624 I've found that the loss of virginity itself happened in a pretty picturesque way, but the biggest thing was having the emotional support as I processed it in the days and weeks later. Even though I had an almost fantasy-like positive experience, trying to figure out what it meant to me and how to deal with the new channel of sexual expression threw me through a lot of loops. Looking back I wish I'd had somebody by me for that. Love the article. I’ve found that the loss of virginity itself happened in a pretty picturesque way, but the biggest thing was having the emotional support as I processed it in the days and weeks later. Even though I had an almost fantasy-like positive experience, trying to figure out what it meant to me and how to deal with the new channel of sexual expression threw me through a lot of loops. Looking back I wish I’d had somebody by me for that.

Love the article.

]]> By: hayley http://rabbitwrite.com/like-a-virgin/#comment-5623 hayley Fri, 12 Jun 2009 17:00:13 +0000 http://rabbitwrite.com/?p=1453#comment-5623 i remember this just like yesterday!! the capi sun, i totally forgot about that, i also don't remember someone telling u not to call anymore, mean! rememeber that night he came over with his friend, we were in the car and i asked for a cigarette and the friend replied "only in the backseat!!!!!", why didn't i go back there?!?!?!? oh by the way, i've been having sex for 12 years and i feel slutty! is that u in the pic at the top?? i remember this just like yesterday!! the capi sun, i totally forgot about that, i also don’t remember someone telling u not to call anymore, mean!
rememeber that night he came over with his friend, we were in the car and i asked for a cigarette and the friend replied “only in the backseat!!!!!”, why didn’t i go back there?!?!?!?
oh by the way, i’ve been having sex for 12 years and i feel slutty!
is that u in the pic at the top??

]]> By: alexpordios http://rabbitwrite.com/like-a-virgin/#comment-5622 alexpordios Fri, 12 Jun 2009 16:52:30 +0000 http://rabbitwrite.com/?p=1453#comment-5622 OMG then you would have loved my first period. I was in Miami, my mom told all the relatives and there was a cake for my "special occasion" at a family party. Everyone kept winking and shaking my hand. OMG then you would have loved my first period. I was in Miami, my mom told all the relatives and there was a cake for my “special occasion” at a family party. Everyone kept winking and shaking my hand.

]]> By: Rabbit White http://rabbitwrite.com/like-a-virgin/#comment-5621 Rabbit White Fri, 12 Jun 2009 03:22:05 +0000 http://rabbitwrite.com/?p=1453#comment-5621 alex I am srsly loling my ass off. I went to the couch 5 mins later and am still cracking up. For shes a jolly good felllowwwwwwww! alex I am srsly loling my ass off. I went to the couch 5 mins later and am still cracking up.
For shes a jolly good felllowwwwwwww!

]]> By: alexpordios http://rabbitwrite.com/like-a-virgin/#comment-5620 alexpordios Thu, 11 Jun 2009 23:24:01 +0000 http://rabbitwrite.com/?p=1453#comment-5620 Oh, the First Time. So overrated, but what do you expect when you elevate a diaphanous piece of skin to cult status . . . . It's like when you get your First Period, and you expect the sky to open up and rain confetti and pink balloons and you look down and your breasts have suddenly grown to the size of basketballs and burst your brassiere and all of your female relatives suddenly appear in the bathroom with a brass band playing "She's a Jolly Good Fellow" and a lifetime supply of tampons in tow and shout all together "WELCOME TO WOMANHOOD!!!" Also,is that Hannah Metz's lovely bum I spy in the photo at the top? You should link to her site so others may enjoy the wealth! -Alex Oh, the First Time. So overrated, but what do you expect when you elevate a diaphanous piece of skin to cult status . . . .

It’s like when you get your First Period, and you expect the sky to open up and rain confetti and pink balloons and you look down and your breasts have suddenly grown to the size of basketballs and burst your brassiere and all of your female relatives suddenly appear in the bathroom with a brass band playing “She’s a Jolly Good Fellow” and a lifetime supply of tampons in tow and shout all together “WELCOME TO WOMANHOOD!!!”

Also,is that Hannah Metz’s lovely bum I spy in the photo at the top? You should link to her site so others may enjoy the wealth!

-Alex

]]> By: Scott Way http://rabbitwrite.com/like-a-virgin/#comment-5619 Scott Way Thu, 11 Jun 2009 22:07:06 +0000 http://rabbitwrite.com/?p=1453#comment-5619 Great article and very interesting. You also have a great memory. The capri sun part is great girl Great article and very interesting. You also have a great memory. The capri sun part is great girl

]]> By: scott way http://rabbitwrite.com/like-a-virgin/#comment-5618 scott way Thu, 11 Jun 2009 22:04:51 +0000 http://rabbitwrite.com/?p=1453#comment-5618 Rach, really well done article, and very interesting. A lot of the info you put in it I didn't know and never heard of. Sorry, your experience ended up the way it. Dude shouldn't of did you like dat. You have a great memory also. Rach, really well done article, and very interesting. A lot of the info you put in it I didn’t know and never heard of. Sorry, your experience ended up the way it. Dude shouldn’t of did you like dat. You have a great memory also.

]]> By: Shannon http://rabbitwrite.com/like-a-virgin/#comment-5616 Shannon Thu, 11 Jun 2009 20:07:52 +0000 http://rabbitwrite.com/?p=1453#comment-5616 I love how honest you are in sharing your experiences. It made me think back to see which category I fit into, but you're right, it wasn't black or white for me either, I actually don't think I fit into any of the three. I think I walked a very thin line between being sluttish and prudish because most of my peers assumed I lost my virginity because of who my boyfriend was and I let everyone think that because I didn't want to admit that I wasn't ready. It seems like a lot of girls struggle with that issue and neither have a very good stereotype, so why can't there be a happy medium? In hindsight, it's weird to think how much emphasis is put on virginity or lack there of because now it's not an issue. I am in a relationship and I can have sex every night or all day long and that's not slutty or my bf and I can not have sex for two weeks straight simply b/c we're busy and that's fine too. So again I'm walking that line, but now, in my twenties it doesn't matter b/c i already lost my virginity and i'm comfortable with myself and my sexuality to not exploit it or withhold it. But perhaps I would not be as secure with who I am sexually and personally if I did not have those conflicting desires as a teenager. Great Post! I love how honest you are in sharing your experiences. It made me think back to see which category I fit into, but you’re right, it wasn’t black or white for me either, I actually don’t think I fit into any of the three. I think I walked a very thin line between being sluttish and prudish because most of my peers assumed I lost my virginity because of who my boyfriend was and I let everyone think that because I didn’t want to admit that I wasn’t ready. It seems like a lot of girls struggle with that issue and neither have a very good stereotype, so why can’t there be a happy medium? In hindsight, it’s weird to think how much emphasis is put on virginity or lack there of because now it’s not an issue. I am in a relationship and I can have sex every night or all day long and that’s not slutty or my bf and I can not have sex for two weeks straight simply b/c we’re busy and that’s fine too. So again I’m walking that line, but now, in my twenties it doesn’t matter b/c i already lost my virginity and i’m comfortable with myself and my sexuality to not exploit it or withhold it. But perhaps I would not be as secure with who I am sexually and personally if I did not have those conflicting desires as a teenager. Great Post!

]]> By: Rabbit White http://rabbitwrite.com/like-a-virgin/#comment-5615 Rabbit White Thu, 11 Jun 2009 16:42:06 +0000 http://rabbitwrite.com/?p=1453#comment-5615 It certainly is a curious question, "what of it is our own making and what is defined by our culture?" I must admit this went through my head as I read the studies about depression and loss of viginity. While the studies were interesting and made sense I couldn't help but wonder...but how much of this depression is simply triggered by what society tells us our expectations should be! Surely as you suggest if the emphasis were taken off of the obsession with virginity and placed onto sexual awareness then people wouldn't be spiraling into depression as much afterward. I look forward to reading your post on virginity! Perhaps you could post in in the comments so readers could also enjoy :) It certainly is a curious question, “what of it is our own making and what is defined by our culture?” I must admit this went through my head as I read the studies about depression and loss of viginity. While the studies were interesting and made sense I couldn’t help but wonder…but how much of this depression is simply triggered by what society tells us our expectations should be! Surely as you suggest if the emphasis were taken off of the obsession with virginity and placed onto sexual awareness then people wouldn’t be spiraling into depression as much afterward. I look forward to reading your post on virginity! Perhaps you could post in in the comments so readers could also enjoy :)

]]>