*insight and photos of your pets in comments is greatly encouraged 
Ned and I recently welcomed an addition to our family, a bouncing baby kitty.
A google search of “psychological reasons for pet owning” yields lists of health purposes to get a pet: they are relaxing, provide routine, alleviate loneliness etc. That’s all nice but what about our psychological motivations to bring a wild animal into the home to begin with?
I think most reasons people get pets are personal, selfish even. It’s not about the animal. In order to give our pets the best lives they can have, I think we must understand our own hang ups or projections with pets. With pets just as in all relationships it is key to understand what early experiences or patterns you might be stuck re-playing.
Are you a dog person or a cat person? That comes down to your history too, right? I have a long history with cats. For whatever reason I feel I can relate to cats, (which is probably my projecting onto them.) Cats are the one animal that often appear in my dreams, I sometimes find myself rescuing dream kittens and caring for them in my sleep-scape.
My most treasured memories from childhood are the times playing in our large backyard with my cats and baby kittens, taking special care of my feline friends. While these memories are all magical and sunset colored, most of what I remember from childhood is followed by a dark cloud. I don’t have many memories as a child of feeling blissful or even comfortable. Yet in these times I felt pure happiness, giving gentle care to these tiny beings.
Later when I was in high school, my college aged boyfriend and I took in stray cats and kittens at his apartment. Caring for them made me feel protected and secure. Just as in childhood I found great solace in the kitties.
When I was 21 I got a kitten on my own, a teeny gold tabby I named Jasper. I was living alone for the first time in a studio apartment in downtown Chicago, and I got Jasper shortly after moving in. In the 6 months before that I hadn’t been taking care of myself or doing well, I wanted to start over with my new apartment, I wanted to be okay.
Jasper became somewhat of a disaster. I was not okay, I was partying all of the time and left him alone for odd extended hours. I also think Jasper was taken away from Mama cat too early and therefore needed extra care and training, which I did not provide. He ended up with aggression problems that could have been so easily avoided had I given him the proper amount of care and just simply read training techniques on the internet! Jasper ran away a few times and after pulling this stunt one Autumn day I couldn’t find him again. He’d vanished into the streets, and headed to Vegas, Ned joked trying to cheer me up.
From the time I was a child I was taking care of kitties–perhaps a way of projecting the care and protection that I needed. As I got older I began taking in cats and caring for them when I should have been taking extra care of myself, cats became a comfort in times of depression. While a part of me felt that owning a cat would make everything okay, I learned that if I am not doing a good job of taking care of myself it is very unlikely that I can do a good job of taking care of anything else.
I think a great step in becoming a good pet owner is to understand these buried needs for our furry friends. Because I have explored and acknowledge this I know that Finn may be a symptom of where I am emotionally and a sign that I need to be taking extra care of myself as I care for him. This understanding has prepared me not to project my complex human emotions onto Finn and will help him have a full animal life as a cat, not a mini version of me. I am in a place in my life where I can provide a nice, comfy home for an animal and I look forward to doing that.
If you own a kitty or are thinking of getting one:
Don’t make the mistakes I made with Jasper–please read up about kitty training and care online, it is free and right at your fingertips! If you are thinking of getting a kitty please take into account your schedule, availability and patience. Up until about 4 months kitty needs extra daily care, preferably someone to be home with him or her all day or at least checking in during the day. Please consider if you have the time and patience for this job!
Here are some articles that have really helped Ned and I so far with baby Finn
Developmental Stages of Kitten Behavior
Helping kitties claw their way to success
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11 Comments
I’ve been a cat owner of the same cat for nearing on 2 decades. She’s my first pet, and she may be my last.
I love her dearly, and she gives me a lot of fun and comfort. She’s obviously a daddy’s girl and gets spoiled as such.
The trouble is, I also have a lot of problems with the vast majority of pet owners I know. Animals like consistency, and when the owners don’t have consistency in their lives, it really affects the pet’s health and happiness.
Moving into a new apartment every 12 months, having a new boyfriend or girlfriend every 6 months, feeling depressed about whatever it is that is unstable in your life — all of these things affect your pet.
The other downside to pet ownership is the inability to jump and go on a vacation, mini or otherwise. My cat has her 2 decades of history of me disappearing for days on end, but she gets taken care of (housekeeper) and fed. It’s always obvious that she misses me when I returned.
Then there is the cost. When I first got her, I always said that if she needed medical attention that cost more than I spend on medical care in a year, I would put her down. Thankfully, she’s never been sick (she’s only been to the vet twice in her many years). Good breeding, I guess. I have other friends who earn very little money but can spend $5000 a year on their pets. That’s outrageous, ridiculous, and part of the reason they’re struggling today.
So I’d say don’t get a pet only because you’re lonely. Get one if you can fulfill what they need so they can fulfill what you need — if you’re stable, grounded, rooted, have the financial comfort and drive to take care of your little baby.
Congrats on the kitten.
ChicagoSane´s last blog ..Bedtime Stories
Thanks for the congrats! I couldn’t agree more with the points you make for pet ownership.
congrats on the newest addition to the white’s! this is the cutest white cat i’ve ever seen! meow <3
Pretty Robotic´s last blog ..Chicken Pesto Pizza
Almost one year ago today I relocated to a small town east of New Orleans to take a job with NASA. The day after I arrived I found myself in an animal shelter with a friend, dropping off a kitten she’d found but couldn’t keep. I wandered through the racks of dogs, knowing I wouldn’t be swayed as I’m not and have never ever been a dog person. Canines are too controlling, needy, dependent, messy, smelly and generally demanding to be a part of my very dysfunctional joy-ride I call life. Unfortunately, never before was my sense of self so utterly skewed.
I saw a kennel full of fluffy tri-color puppies crawling all over each other and one of them, a chubby who stood behind her brothers and sisters so she could wait until they were wrestling and then hop on top of their dog pile, made eye-contact with me.
I liken the feeling to what some people say they encountered during love at first sight. It was a sort of tugging on my heart that wasn’t entirely pleasant. I passed the kennel to see the other strays, but almost immediately was back in front of that kennel, motioning for a volunteer to bring her out so I could take her home.
When the volunteer opened the kennel none of the other dogs raced out. They all sort of fell forward onto to gate and flopped into a puddle so my new consort could skyrocket over them and get to me.
“Is that a boy?” I asked since I ONLY wanted a boy. Female dogs have been an especially baneful part of my existence.
“Mmhmm, sure, yep, male” said the volunteer who, much like my sister when she volunteered at the same shelter years ago, was only 13 years old. He turned the puppy over and showed me a lot of fur.
“You’re taking a dog? You? Really?” asked one of the resident care givers. He has known me since my sister was a volunteer and heard tales of my disdain for living creatures. I don’t dislike them, I just don’t want the responsibility.
“I have to have him.” I was now holding my new friend, clutching him to my chest. Something in his smell was so familiar to me.
“Maybe foster him? See how you feel in two weeks?”
I agreed to foster him. While I understood how my feelings appeared to everyone involved, I knew in my heart this boy is mine.
Twenty minutes later, the foster agreement was signed and Mac, short for Machiavelli and I were in the car headed home. My sister noticed almost immediately that “Mac” was not the lover boy I’d wanted. Mac became Fox who became Althea and finally shortened to Thea.
I spent the next week waiting to go to work, playing with her. She fulfilled her role as my consort, never leaving my side, starting on the floorboard of my car an eventually graduating to the back seat. When I was totally alone in a different place, she and I would sit in the back yard playing fetch until I was numb in my shoulder.
When I went to work, she slept in my laundry basket. When I visited a former boyfriend who treated me badly she pooped from one end of his apartment to another. When I moved home, she sat in my front seat and promised to love me, even if I was temporarily crippled, 30, unmarried and moving back to my parents.
I would judge men I dated by how they associated with her. Any outright hostility would be grounds for a verbal lashing, but any veiled criticism or semi-disinterest meant the date didn’t get further than 2 minutes. I sent men home when they picked me up and insulted her or her species in any way. She gave the final approval when I started dating the man who is now my fiance.
Thea is the single biggest responsibility I have ever had. She is part collie so she jumps, part hound so she howls and chases and rolls in dead things, and I’m betting she’s part goat because she likes to eat cans and plastic. She still flips out and pees in my basement once a week. She still runs off when she sees a bunny, and had I not have gotten hurt at NASA she’d never have had me home, 24/7 to teach her the raw basics of obedience.
While I think everyone needs a dog, I don’t think everyone should run out and get a dog. She’s more work than I’d ever imagined. There are days I don’t want to play, but I do. I don’t want to walk, but I do and I don’t want to wash her, but I do.
Having a dog is summed up by what happened this morning. I was laying in my bathtub, with a hot washcloth over my face trying to relax and let my pain medication take affect so I could walk, when I felt something cold and wet in my ear. My fiancee had left 3 hours earlier and as I laid there, Thea decided mommy needed to pay attention to her. In the midst of my self made spa, as I wallowed in self pity and peachy scented bath water, the tiny shadow I adopted a year ago found me, reminding me even when I’m at my alone worst she’s still by my side.
And I love that goddamn dog more than anything, ever.
Airie,
I love the bit about her pooping all across the exes apartment, lol!
That you so much for sharing this well written, vivid and warming story.
<3
My household and I decided to get our current cat because we had got over the grieving process of losing our previous cat (to a car). It was a joint decision, but I ended up choosing the cat (for free off an auction site, his family was moving overseas.) To put it kindly, he is a “special” cat. He is cross-eyed, asthmatic, oddly shaped, and quite truly has a very strange personality. I adore him to bits and he’s ended up being “my” cat rather than the family’s cat. It’s funny, I am not really a dog person because I find them too needy, and constantly want human attention, and yet my cat is very clingy to the point where he cries when I leave the house and I sometimes have to lock him in the house when I go for a run, otherwise he will try and follow me.
When I think about why I want a cat, it is mainly as something to love and cuddle and play with. I don’t really think there is a deeper, psychological reason why I have a cat. Unless I am secretly a masochist, as sometimes my cat tries to kill me. He is a source of entertainment for me, he does the silliest things all the time and just makes me laugh. I think perhaps the only way our relationship could be read deeper is that I do not want to have children, ever, so he is filling that role in my life.
I write about him a lot: http://poppygallico.com/tags/gus/ and also take a lot of photos of him, much like a doting parent with their first born: http://www.flickr.com/photos/poppygallico/sets/72157620419842124/
I would also never buy a purebred animal, nor one from a pet store. I hate the idea of puppy mills. My flatmate bought a French Bulldog and the amount of health problems he has that cost a LOT at the vets – never mind the initial cost of the dog – my cat needs eyedrops every now and then but is otherwise drama free (touch wood!)
I just adopted a kitten 3 days ago. This is a really big thing for me, I’ve been thinking about it for around 2 years now and have finally taken the plunge.
For me I would say I got a kitten because growing up I never had pets. My dad wouldn’t allow it. I was always jealous of my friends with pets, but I knew how much a responsibilty they are.
I want to prove to myself that I can do this. So far she is the single most important thing in my life now and I like the idea that someone relies on me for their well-being. My dad never let us have pets because he didn’t think we could handle it, and how was I suppose to know if I could handle it or not.
She’s my way of saying that I’m an adult and I have responsibilities beyond myself. And she’s easier than a baby. She’s tiny and weird and kinda crazy, but sweet and loving and curious about the world. I look forward to sharing my life with her.
It may be selfish but I really love her and I’m glad I got her finally because now is the time I have to care for her while she is still growing.
this has got me thinking about my last pets, my first pet was there before i was born, a pure white cat called snowy. She was put down when I was 5. Then when i was 8 we got the 2 wildest kittens you could imagine, wild off some nearby allotments and hadnt been near humans before, we were only going to take one but felt sorry for the second so we decided to take him too.
We thought the first we were going to take was a girl, we named her sophie, turned out she was a he and we called him Max, the other was called Shamrock, Max became my closest friend in the house, he was always there, sitting on my homework lol, or really giving a howling meow for food, affection and long tummy rubs, the times he purred most were when i was holding him, he would leap up and press his head against mine over and over, and id cradle him like a baby for long periods at a time. My brother used to say it was as though he were my biological baby.
Me and ash considered paying to have him taken to australia, but it would have caused both me and Max far too much stress. I held him crying for a while when I knew I was to be leaving with out him. My sister takes good care of him now. Oddly enough, I haven’t missed him. . . and dont desire to have another cat, at least not now.
Shamrock was a little more reserved and less affectionate, he was going blind and we think it made him anxious and more alert, startling him often resulted in a quick sharp scratch, you had to be very very careful and gentle with him.
Thanks for your post, rachel
thought id mention also with regards to your experience around nurturing a helpless creature being soothing, i find this too, in a stressful or traumatic situation i find myself feeling much calmer if i have vulnerable people to care for, or animals. I sometimes dream about taking care of a baby, these are some of my favourite dreams.
I think this is a more female response to stress, i dont know whether or not you have heard of the “tend and befriend” response to stressful situations, its supposedly the female response to stress whereas some theorise fight or flight is a more male response, since in ancient times women had to tend to the children and the helpless and befriend other women in order to get help during a stressful situation, caring and soothing hormones like oxytocin and consequently released.
Perhaps this is what you experienced as a small girl when you were caring for your kittens and your family life was stressful and upsetting.
I love kitties… they make me happy when I am feeling sad. I love how they run to you when they hear you sobbing. They are full of life. Would never want to live without one.
Amanda´s last blog ..And The Game Is On…
Humans evolved to depend on animals. it’s quite a fascinating evolutionary story. we think we control and dominate them, but really, certain animals such has dogs have totally manipulated us into helping them spread across the world.
people love anything that they can see themselves in, so when a dog or cat acts in a person-like manner [such as playing] we love it and breed more of them, thus ensuring their genetic survival and spread. it’s like survival of the cutest over the survival of the fittest.
As we progress in our society our compassion for animals increases, i think. animal cruelty and neglect is much much higher in less developed countries. this is why i think in the future people will be vegetarian, or science will develop a way to provide meat without killing [its starting to happen, we can now "grow" a steak in a jar, it's crazy]
i’ve always had pets, even sneaking them into apartments where they’re technically not allowed………I feel uncomfortable without them. I’ve owned everything from ex-racing rescue greyhounds [they are usually destroyed when they can't race anymore] to a mohair goat that i would walk on a leash like a dog. Right now I have tropical fish [they are very relaxing to watch, and i also find keeping a tiny ecosystem in a glass box fascinating] and a mouse i named Hans Maus.
Fish: http://i30.tinypic.com/v33m78.jpg
Hans: http://i27.tinypic.com/14m6hir.jpg
and one of my favourite quotes from the psychologist Frans de Waal:
“To endow animals with human emotions has long been a scientific taboo. But if we do not, we risk missing something fundamental, about both animals and us.”
Jack´s last blog ..Defiant