Rabbit Write

Here I have put together a resource on psychotherapy gathered from my own experiences and on the many articles and books I’ve read on the topic. The plan is to continue to add and edit as I discover more and as you share your own experiences and insights. Please use the comments or privately email me with ideas, questions, or concerns.

I am not a therapist and I am not licensed in anything really. The following is my own experiences and opinions. Please ask the professionals for real answers and advice and please seek medical attention if you are contemplating suicide.

xoxo,

Rabbit

Blocks to Getting Therapy:

For years I was curious about therapy, but it seemed there were so many excuses to not go, or almost that I needed an excuse to go. Here are some common blocks & ways of addressing them.

• It can be tough to know whether you need therapy or not. I’m not one of those people who says “everyone needs therapy” but I think anyone who is on a journey to self awareness could really use the help of therapy. Or anyone with the goal of a healthy relationship. Of course, therapy only works if you put in the time and effort. It is about growth and change and you are the only one who can make that happen for you. Additionally, new research suggests that therapy is extremely powerful for anyone: 1, 2
• Past Therapist Baggage: Not all therapists are good therapists,  unfortunately. Just because you had a therapist in the past with whom it did not work out with, does not mean that therapy won’t work for you. sometimes finding the right  therapist is a journey in itself.
• Ugh But, Therapy is Expensive: This is one of those little annoying truths. Yes therapy is very expensive. But if you are a person who has made happiness and health a priority, then therapy should be one of the “have-to’s” budgeted in. You might be surprised at how many therapists actually offer sliding scale. It is worth calling around and asking. Check out Finding Your Marbles article on other ways of scoring cheap therapy sessions & Psych Central’s article on the same. Also, many therapist offices have interns available as therapists, which is often better than no therapist! I’ve personally had an intern as a therapist and it was a fantastic experience from which I learned a lot.
• Stigma: It is kind of hard to believe that there is still a therapy stigma…self-discovery should never be a bad thing. Explore your feelings around the stigma, be curious, you might just find something that is worth working on in therapy!
• Whatever your concerns are, if you are considering therapy for the first time, I recommend Alice Miller’s thoughtful FAQ on Finding a Therapist.

Finding a Therapist:

This is a really hard part. You want someone who you can work with in the long-term, someone you are on the same page with & that you can trust. However, this takes some work. Here are some tips at getting there.

• What Type of Therapy do you want? If you are going in for a specific issue, it would be most fitting to choose a therapist who specializes your area. Beyond that it is important to look at what type of therapy the therapist offers. I suggest researching therapy types before hand and getting idea of what you are comfortable with. When you find a therapist you like, research the type of therapy they offer if you have never heard of it.
• What credentials do you prefer your therapist to have?
• Do you want a Male of Female therapist? This does not affect how good or competent your therapist is of course, but you might want to explore what you feel most comfortable with. You want someone you can feel safe and easy to talk to with.
• Therapist Listings: Try Good Therapy Guide,  Psychology Today & IFS Practitioners, American Psychological Association, Academy of Cognitive Therapy, a 1-800 Therapy Hotline, Health Finder & Yelp never hurts either!
• Referrals: ask friends, other therapists and people involved in psychology based forums and communities for therapists they would recommend. Ex: Psych Central Boards,  IFS Forum
• Ask for a consultation: Many therapists will give free 20 minute intro sessions. In my experience these are over the phone, but it would be pretty smart to ask for one in person.
• References: Some therapists will give you references if you so inquire.

Starting Therapy

Your heart hammers in your chest during that first meeting, afterward there are a rush of emotions and you aren’t even sure what you feel. Here are some tips at making those first scary steps.

• Pick up the Phone and Make the Call: I’m not sure why but simply making the first appointment can be the hardest step with therapy. Just make yourself go through the motions and do it, you’ll have time afterward to evaluate your feelings!
• If you get a receptionist, ask if you can speak with the therapist on the phone for just a couple minutes before meeting in person. This might be right then, or a call back when they have a minute. You can often have strong feelings after even a brief phone call.
• First Impressions: I often find phone calls awkward anyway, and a phone call with a stranger even more so. But it is important to be aware of your first impressions from your therapist from that very first call. What vibe did you get? How comfortable did you feel? Did they explain the methods they use and how they will help you reach your goals?
• Interview Several Therapists: This is sort of a “why not”– as already established not all therapists are going to be right for you. The point is to find someone you can work with long-term.
• Things to be ultra-aware about in first meetings: Did you define ways to meet your goals? Where were you with boundaries with this person? Did you sense that your therapist had set boundaries (professionalism)? Is this someone you think that you can be honest with, someone you can trust?
• Also a great article on What to Expect from your first Session. All I have to add is: Think about an answer to what your goals are, expect to give a brief family history in the first few sessions and still be extra aware of how you feel toward your therapist.
• Multiple Therapists? I have had multiple therapists in the past: an art therapist along with traditional therapy. I think multiple therapists are great for someone who has made self-work their number one priority and has the time to sink into it. However, this is not for everyone.

When It Isn’t Working

This situation was one of my toughest experiences with therapy, but I think I learned a lot from addressing it. Here are my tips.

• Radical, Radical Honesty. We aren’t used to being so upfront in professional settings, which can be scary. But the more honest you can be with your therapist the better–think about it this way, it really helps them out, they also want to get the most out of your sessions!
• Explore why you might be hesitant. What have you been working on in therapy? Could this be a defense?
• Is this a pattern? Has your therapist began to take the role of a partner or parent?
• Practice what to say beforehand. Think about it, write it out and practice it. I suggest role-playing with a friend beforehand if you can.
• Get another therapist’s opinion. Go to someone else in the practice, or ask a close friend/partner’s therapist if they would talk to you about your concerns.
• Tell the therapist directly what you are looking for, what needs to change.
• Look for Clarification. Have the therapist repeat what you need back to you. Are they getting this?
• Ask Yourself: Can you be honest with this therapist? Is this someone you fully trust? Can you work with them long-term? Do you feel you can state your beliefs and preferences in session?
• Do you feel listened to? How does your therapist take this feedback? Do they admit mistakes?
• Never stay with a therapist you are unsure about. Often with health insurance we only get so many sessions, and even regardless of that your time and resources are precious. Move forward without dropping out.
• Check out this article on what Effective Therapy actually looks like and this one on what to do if you don’t like your therapist

Changing Therapists

You’ve got to be with someone who you can trust, who you can work with long-term, but it might take awhile to realize your therapist is not that person. Explore what happened and work to find the therapist that will best help you–never settle.

• Understand what went wrong. Take some time to slow down and really reflect on what was not working and why. What were the therapists blocks and what were yours?
• Understand what you want to do differently. Define what you are looking for.
• Review elements of good therapy
• Ambivalence is normal. It is hard to leave any therapist, allow yourself room to grieve so you don’t end up ruminating.
• If you are leaving a dysfunctional therapy environment, be curious as to why you stayed with the last therapist. Was there a pattern here that you were fulfilling? What was staying doing for you?
• Bring up your concerns with your past therapist in your first consultation with the new therapist. Also any positives you are afraid of losing by switching.
• Get clarification that the new therapist understands the past problems and what your goals are.
• Ask how you will meet those goals. Get a clear idea of how this therapist is going to address your issues differently.

Leaving a Therapist

In most therapy the goal is for you to someday leave. So how do you know when you are there?

• Consider going to therapy less at first. Perhaps every other week, or once a month.
• Articles on When To Stop Going: 1 and 2
• Ask your therapist up front when they think you should do.
• Have you met your long-term goals?
• Do you have effective ways to deal with getting triggered?
• Again, allow yourself to grieve and feel the pain of leaving a therapist. It is a difficult transition to leave this person you have grown close to and have trusted so deeply. It is okay to feel sad about this.
• Going back is not failure! You can always go  back for as many sessions as you need with a new or old therapist.

Therapy has been crucial in my journey of self-awareness and self-discovery. I recommend therapy to anyone who is willing to put the work in. I would also love to know what your tips are. In the meantime, good luck on your journey to a harmonious self.

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