Graphic Sexual Horror is a documentary film about the late, hardcore BDSM pornsite, insex.com. I recently had a chance to see this documentary with fellow writer, Arvan of Sex Gender Body, at the Leather Archives as part of the Sex Positive Film Series.
Check out my review & reflections on the film at Sex Gender Body.
One thing that my review touched on was the question of consent in sex-work:
“Yet my inner feminist, as laid back as she might be, did inevitably stir. One of the ex-models described her first set and explained that before coming into film, they are asked what they are willing to do or not do, and what they might be apprehensive about. This model had never had anal sex, and was clearly apprehensive about doing so. On her first shoot, PD broke that boundary. As she laid tied up, ass up on the floor, he penetrated her anally with a nearly baseball-bat sized instrument. She went onto say that although she hadn’t used her safeword, she felt like she had been raped.
When this was brought up during the discussion after the film, a woman who had been invited on stage because she had once done a session herself with PD said, “she said she felt like she was raped, it’s not the same thing as being raped.” I agree it is not the same thing, but I don’t think it is the opposite of rape either. I don’t think consent is a yes-no/black-white issue. What it seemed the model was explaining is a tight-rope walk of that delicate, fuzzy line of consent.”
What I didn’t go on to say in this review is that this is a sticky subject. I have said in the past that what I do define as the opposite of rape is enthusiastic consent. When pay instead of pleasure is on the enthusiasm end, where do the gray areas of consent fit in? After-all, any job has things that one will not be enthusiastic about doing. Additionally, there is a power-dynamic going on, as PD is the model’s boss, as well as the dominant in the scene.
Ultimately, I think the line of consent is up for the person in the sexual position to decide, if this woman is questioning being raped, I don’t think it can be anyone’s place but her own to decide. However, in gray areas of consent I don’t think that “rape” is a blame to put fully on one partner as the perpetrator, but as somewhat a reflection on both partners who didn’t pay attention or communicate about those blurred lines. I’m not saying one who does not have the tools to express non-consent should ever be blamed, but I think a society that doesn’t teach us how to effectively communicate what we feel in the moment, should.
Read my review on the film here.
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3 Comments
Very interesting read! Thank you for posting and sharing!
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I saw a few clips from InSex long ago, when a friend of mine was very into the site. I was both disturbed and aroused by what I saw. I wondered how close to the edge the performers went, because the suffering was real enough, that was obvious.
I think you are right, there is a gray area in consent. I know this from my personal relationships as well. In one relationship I had with a very submissive woman, she allowed me to push her limits quite a bit. I had to be very careful, as I don’t think there was really anything she would not allow me to do, and it was often not until after the scene that I would be aware of how far we were pushing things. These were mainly psychological aspects of the scene, but still can be damaging.
That is pretty scary. Thankfully, I’m not insane, and was conscientious of her safety and had to constantly pull myself back as she would never use her safe word. If I felt she was falling too hard into a role I would gradually lighten then end the scene. I often had her in tears, which was something she liked, even though it was a bit upsetting for me, as I didn’t want to cause her “real” harm.
In one way I think she needed me to make safe boundaries for her, and I know after we broke up she did some things that were definitely unsafe for her in other relationships. And, while it is definitely the Top’s responsibility to make sure the bottom is safe during play, I think it is also important, and the bottom’s responsibility to let the Top know when things are going to far, and to know their limits and use their safe word when they need to. But it is a fine line, as many bottoms in sub-space can’t sometimes tell if/when they are crossing those boundaries.
Interesting points you brought up. Thanks for sharing your review.