![image_thumb[1]](http://rabbitwrite.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/image_thumb1.png "image_thumb[1]")
As of yesterday, I no longer need to buy tampons or pads ever again. No more used tampons-in-TP filling my trashcan, no more remembering to carry them in my purse and no more wet tampon strings- ever! Yesterday, I made the switch to a re-usable menstrual cup. Until this week, I was still stuck in the view I had when I was 18 and first read about menstrual cups: a resounding, “Ewwwwwwwwww!”
The idea of being closer to my cycle and body in this way began to intrigue me recently, rather than gross me out. I think we are all somewhat removed from our periods; you put the tampon in then throw out without much knowledge as to what’s going on with your cycle. I am now in a place where I want to be in touch with my body and it’s workings. I feel happy about this, yet I also can’t help but to think about the shame I felt about my period growing up.
I was embarrassed about my period before I even had it. Entering the fifth grade I knew I would be going into sex-education class in the Spring. For the entire year I was terrified. My 11-year-old self lost sleep, dreading sex-ed class. Those rainy gray spring days began to inevitably close in and sex-ed day arrived. We received notes to give our parents letting them know, which I shamefully hid in my bedroom.
For all the white-knuckle anticipation, sex-ed was pretty anti-climatic. We watched a vaguely-creepy film and got an uncomfortable chat from the ruddy-faced school nurse. She wrote IBUPROFEN on the chalkboard in caps, telling us to write it down because, “this would be our period’s best friend.” At the end of the awkward question and answer time, we were made to fill out a form with our name and address. They were going to send us some sex-ed “free gifts” in the mail. I tried my best to avoid filling it out, but as the form ended at my desk and the heavy school nurse stood above me, I caved, scrawling my name.
For weeks I checked the mail every day, in hopes of snatching the period-package before anyone else found it. Months passed, as I ruminated fearfully of this package’s arrival but it still didn’t come. After 6 months passed with no package, I had decided with relief that it wasn’t coming. As metaphorical as all this sounds…I still am really only talking about the postal service, I promise.
Then, on the morning of my twelfth birthday my Dad brought in a brown parcel with a return address from “Kimberly Clark”- a name from the toilet paper dispensers at school. He added it to the pile of colorful wrapped presents from family members.
On this December morning, the next-door-neighbor kids showed up early with a birthday present, which I happily opened. “What is this present? Who is this from?” my Mom asked picking up the brown box, “open up this one too.” Feeling myself turn hot and pink, I claimed to not know who it was from, and said I’d open it later. My Dad, sister and neighbor kids protested, “Open it!” So, feeling like I had no other choice, I opened the parcel and pulled out a purple and aqua colored toiletry kit containing pads, tampons and graphic brochures about pubic hair growth.
When I finally did get my period I was 13, and it came on a sticky-hot day in June. I was the last one out of my group of friends to get it, which was also embarrassing and frustrating. There has been research showing that after a girl gets her period her self esteem can increase, along with her social standing. While I did want my period to fit in, I did not feel any increase in self-esteem. I remember feeling uncomfortable and angry.
At this age the last thing I wanted was to feel close to my cycle, close to my body. As I waddled through the musty scented middle school halls, wearing pads that felt like a bed-mattress between my legs, I just felt worried and ashamed. I was paranoid that people could see the cotton bunching through my jeans or that as I stood up after class and felt the drain between my legs that it would bleed through or worst of all that people could smell it. Suffice it to say that I loathed my period. “Disgusting” I thought, as I’d change pads. This was a self-attack which also meant: you are disgusting.
I think this idea of periods being gross is quite prevalent in our culture, as menstruation remains somewhat stigmatized. Feminists have long been activists of not suppressing periods and some feminist moms throw their daughters period celebrations including activities like howling at the moon and eating cake. This idea probably came from the many cultures that celebrate a girl’s first period, throwing parties for the big day.
Creating a culture that is period-positive and healthy means not being scared of our bodies, or grossed out by them. As women, our bodies are controlled by the cycle of the moon, we can literally see and experience our fertility cycles each month. It is a fascinating thing, if not just normal and I think it’s time we treat it as such.
Now it’s your turn. What was your first period like? Did your family celebrate it? How did you feel about them now?
BONUS- RECOMMENDED MENSTRUAL CUP LINKS:
Diva Cup Review by Earth and Body Friendly
Info on Reusable Menstrual Products
One girl’s feminist journey with periods and the cup
Subscribe to my blog!
Subscribe to my podcast!Related posts:
16 Comments
I think a lot of what you wrote was fascinating! However, I’d be one of those people who controls their period – I’m on the pill, and if I can help it I get an extra pack ahead of time to skip the placebo week.
I’m of two minds about periods, because I do think our culture shoves this mindset of “gross and disgusting and just something you have to endure” down our throats, but it is NOT a pleasant experience for me (and others who have similar experiences) – before I was on birth control, there were times I had cramps so bad I would vomit. I would end up missing 2-3 days from school every month because I could hardly walk, my cramps were so bad. Even on birth control, I still get painful cramps, although it’s not as bad.
I didn’t really celebrate my first period, I just remember freaking out because I was 12 or so, and it was insanely heavy. I don’t think I’ve ever had a period that heavy again – I went through 2 maxi pads in, oh, four hours? I ended up with a huge stain on my khaki pants I’d worn that day and had to walk around with the wind-breaker around my waist all day.
Michelle´s last blog ..Wardrobe Challenge: No Black
Michelle,
Oy,I empathize! my first period was really bad too. I remember the same thing, filling up the first pad like within an hour! I also had killer cramps during this time, I just layed on the couch all day angry and upset about the whole thing. It was miserable!
As I’ve grown older, and probably because of birth control, my periods are now much lighter and more manageable.
Thanks for the insight and sharing your story!
this post is bringing back memories of not wanting to tell my mom, gripping the hall pass to the lockers to get out a pad (& feeling like everyone knew!), and of course the ibprofen incident/weirdo movie/scary nurse ordeal. what about all of those scary trauma-rama stories in teen mags about how different girls always bled through their outfits or on their bf’s couch? Those stories used to terrify me!
Pretty Robotic´s last blog ..Monte Carlo Mirage
I had my first period in a K-Mart bathroom stall on Christmas Eve when I was in 6th grade. There was no celebration, no nothing. My family, and mother in particular, didn’t discuss much with me. I sort of had to find everything out on my own. I do remember trying to use a tampon for the first time though (tampons my father had bought no less haha – I remember he said “so do I just buy the regular kind or do you need super?” and I about DIED) and failed miserably. Let’s just say I assumed where you pee and where your period comes from were the same place.
I still dread my period for the sheer uncomfortable factor. Although recently I have been embracing it more, and using some of the blood in seduction and lust spells. I was named after a voodoo lady in New Orleans and she knew what she was talking about.
Julie M. T.´s last blog ..[gossip session] | from slayer to sinatra :: an interview with new kill hannah touring guitarist gil baram
Guess What?!?! I’m on my period right now and it’s my first cycle on my new Diva Cup! So far I have LOVED mine. It leaked a little the first day I used it, but I blame that on user error. I wish it was a little smaller because my flow is so lite it doesn’t really warrant a shot glass sitting in my vagina. I might order a small one from a different company just to have both sizes. Exciting!
Birth control has made my periods so light that I debated getting the cup…I can almost get buy just wearing panty-liners. For reals, where did my period go? I’m not complaining though.
I have to say, I’ve had a hard time convincing any of my friends to get a cup. I never really found my period nasty, but my mom is a hippie who always emphasized how natural all bodily functions are. I have one other friend on the cup, and she looooves it. I wish it was marketed more in the USA. I’ve read that it’s main stream in Europe and the U.K. It’s really being pushed as the best sanitary and environmental option for women! I feel that it will never be marketed like that in the us since big business (I’m looking at you Johnson&Johnson) would lose so much revenue. Oh well.
Anyway, I love talking about periods! Yay!
yay for your first cup!
I don’t remember my first period. I just remember a year later telling my doctor that it had started. (Side note: my friend in college published a chapbook on Menarche — the stories of first periods.)
Our womyn’s group on campus had an “alternative menstrual product” meeting. The only down side to that was that they only talked about diva cups and keepers. There are so many different types of cups out there!
I wish our bodies weren’t considered so taboo… I mean, I’m not all about seeing boobies everywhere… but for kids to feel shame about them is bad… We can find that balance between loving and being open about our bodies and still respecting the privacy of them too…
Anyway. Yes. I’m okay with my vagina and sticking a cup up there, even if I’m not too fond of the messiness and pain that comes with my period.
Rini CS´s last blog ..big choices….
My first period was, as frequently happens, accompanied by a really funny story.
It was Christmas Eve, the middle of summer in Australia. I was eleven. It was hotter than balls. I’d been swimming in our pool most of the day, but I just felt…off somehow. I went inside to pee, and there was blood in my swimsuit. Even though I knew about periods and was expecting mine IN THE ABSTRACT, actually being confronted with blood was…well…terrifying. I went screaming to my Mum. She started to cry; “My baby’s a woman now!”
Then the cramps kicked in. I wanted to DIE. She gave me a pad, some panadol (like tylenol) and told me to lay down.
I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, the room was filled with people. My dad was teary-eyed and holding flowers and all of the women from our block were crowding around me, congratulating me. My mum had gone door-to-door all down the street, telling them that I’d gotten my period and they were at the house welcoming me to womanhood.
I recognise this now as a really sweet thing for her to have done. At the time, however, all that I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and DIE OF EMBARRASSMENT.
So that’s my story. Hahahahah! EEK!
Alle Malice´s last blog ..HOLY SHIT! (Alternate title: When getting lost is the best thing that could possibly happen)
Thank you so much for this post. For too long I have felt like I was on a one woman mission to rid the world of period-taboo. Ever since I was a teenager, and my father chastised me for leaving a *new*, wrapped-up tampon on the table, I have refused to be ashamed.
My first period was at 12. It was light, and practically non-existant, which is how it has stayed (lucky me). However, my mother seemed to be more panicked about the whole thing than I was. She immediately legged it down the shops and brought a bumper pack of sanitory towels. You know those giant bumper packs of babies’ nappies? It was that big. And the towels were as thick as the telephone directory. I mean really. It was like having the Yellow Pages between my legs. And that was the most traumatic part.
Maise´s last blog ..Two for the price of… two.
Way to go, Rabbit. Another gem.
The matter-of-fact candor you employed here is the perfect foil and cure for the damage done to bodies and minds by the campaign of ignorance aimed at women and their bodies.
sexgenderbody´s last blog ..But men aren’t pretty!
Great blog! I was terrified when I got my first period. In fact, I’m pretty sure I was crying when I asked my Mum what to do – I was only 12 after all. Then I got horrible cramps, and couldn’t sleep, so my Mum went out to buy a big block of Top Deck chocolate, and then let me sit up with her to watch Sex and the City. If that’s not a celebration, then I just don’t know what is.
Miss Peregrin´s last blog ..What I Wore Today, Volume 15 (With A Helping of DIY On The Side)
PR: Ohhh traumarama, you are bringing me back with that word alone!I always wondered if those sories were fake…pads in hallpasses were a good idea tho!
Julie: I totally thought the same thing. During the 5th grade dreaded sex-ed class the only question I wanted to ask was “What happens to your pee when you are on your period?” I thought that the blood came out of the same place you peed, and kinda replaced the pee for a week. Unfortunately, I was too embarrassed to ask.
Sada- Yay for your new cup! I feel like we should have an impromptu menses celebration together. I used mine on like the last two days of my period and am barely catching anything. LMAO@ “shot glass in my vagina”!!!
Rini: I know exactly what you mean. Boundaries and privacy are ok…essential even, but they should not be equated with this suppression bullshit we get. Totally frustrating. Thanks for the congrats!!
Alle: FUCKINGLOLLLLLLL!!!!! That may be the best period story I’ve ever heard. Amazing…though I do empathize with young Alle, I would have wanted to die too.
Maise: lol, I know exactly what you mean. Thick pads have got to be one of the worst feelings. One of the least-sexy things I can think of! Keep up the good work on breaking those taboos!
SexGenderBody: Thanks Arvan, and thanks for bringing the guys perspective to this issue, pretty ballsy!
Miss Peregrin: I think you may have had the best period celebration. Or at least the most appropriate? Love it.
My first period didn’t come with any celebrations, it was pretty standard, but i remember it felt very important to me. I had been waiting for it for a long time though I am not sure why, I just wanted to know what it was like, it was like the ultimate womanly body experience, its a sign that you are becoming a woman and that you are entering a new phase in your life.
I started at 13 years old in January, I didn’t get cramps only some small ones before it started that i just thought were tommy aches after eating too much or something lol. After my first i was desperate to have my second, why i liked the experience so much i’ll never know haha, but much to my disappointment i didn’t have another period for about 4 or 5 months, for the first 3 years of my periods they came very irregularly, sometimes upto 6 months apart then after having an implanon inserted and removed they came at a steady pace and cycle.
I got my first reusable menstrual cup at age 17 and even though we have had our difficulties haha (some leaks) we get on just fine now, I just get on with my day and don’t even really know I’m on my period. I don’t get serious cramps but tend to suffer from sore breasts so I just use this as an excuse to take extra care of myself and pamper myself more around this time of the month.
If I ever have a daughter, when her first period comes I won’t make a big celebration of it or go round telling everyone about her personal life and body experiences, but i think I’d like to have a small celebration with her, just me and her. Perhaps a shopping trip and a nice meal out, and i’ll give her all the advice she needs if she finds her periods are difficult, talk about the emotional experience, let her know the types of feminine products she can use, tampons, pads, mooncups etc, overall I just don’t want to make her feel periods are a curse sent from the realms of hell here to destroy her emotional and physical wellbeing every month like much of society so often does.
I find it really annoying when women get grossed out by menstrual cups, I mean, it’s no worse than letting the blood soak up in a tampon you carry round inside you nearly all day, or a pad where it sits in your underwear for what can be hours at a time. No TSS cases have ever been found with mooncups, and if it turns out you have a silicon allergy there are other types of moonscups you can buy.
I think so many women who dont want to try these things would be really happy to see the results if they just gave them a go. One lady commented on the mooncup wesbite that she needs her period cramps to remind her she is on her period while she is wearing a mooncup they are that discreet.
Candice,
I find it very refreshing of you and kind of mature that you liked your first period!
I also agree that during a period can be a time for self-care and pampering. When I was 17 my boyfriend at the time knew that everytime my period came it meant we would go get a bag of chocolate covered pretzels and watch a movie I wanted to see.
I like your idea of your private celebration with your daughter. I’ve always thought I would do something nice with her. I remember being pissed that my mom immediately told my Dad and Grandmother after I told her not to tell anyone. Those boundaries are important. I think an all-girl celebration could be fun if she wanted a party & invite her girl friends.
Thanks for sharing!
I ordered a Diva Cup last week. Hopefully it’ll work out. I was in junior high school when I first got my period. I never told anyone, ever. I was 15. Everyone had probably assumed I had my period by then. I was wondering if it would ever come. I was starting to think it wasn’t going to come. My mom had given me a pack of pads years before that for when the time came, I must’ve started stealing hers once that pack ran out. Now I’ll never have to buy pads or tampons ever again.
I LOVE your blog! Wow, totally have it bookmarked.
I remember that fifth grade sex-ed class! Ugh! Horrible! And I also remember those purple and aqua toiletry kits we had to sign up for! I had the same sentiments as you. Fortunately my mom intercepted that box and took it to my room before anyone else could question its contents.
I’ve heard about this cup thing! One of our local women’s magazines had an article about it last month. You like it, huh? I’m definitely going to do some research on this thing…
Krista – Becoming Mrs. Dial´s last blog ..I want happy skin on our wedding day
It took me a long time to come to terms with the idea of my period, not to mention actually dealing with it. I’ve always had an extremely boyish figure, and compounded with my incredible height (I was 5’9” in eighth grade!), I felt ridiculous being told I was a woman and having this feminine thing happen to me every month. Of course, we all grow into our bodies (well, somewhat!) and grow up and come to terms with the things that haunted us in childhood and adolescence. I’ve made it a personal crusade to try to desensitize people, particularly men, to “lady issues”- be it periods, lactating, pregnancy, birth control, etc. Everything has a positive aspect to it that everyone, including men, should appreciate. When I hear the PMS jokes, I try to remind people that a woman’s cycle, as sometimes difficult as it can be, IS a miracle and DOES allow her to reproduce! This is a spectacular gift that should be respected and revered, not joked about and hidden away, and I’d like people to adapt to this attitude!
One Trackback
[...] First Tweet 1 day ago rabbitwhite rabbitwhite Influential The period post: From period-shame to diva cup excitement Come share in my embarrassments & celebration http://rabbitwrite.com/your-period/ view retweet [...]